Life is about the journey...This is mine.

SoleMates

2012-01-24T18:26:00.000-08:00

I just registered to be a SoleMate at the Gate River Run. I'll be running the 15K on March 10th to raise money for Girls on the Run (GOTR).

GOTR is an awesome organization where girls can train to run a 5K and learn that anything is possible. Supporting my mission, could impact a young girl's future by allowing her an opportunity to be a part of a fantastic program that teaches girls self-respect and healthy living.

If you are interested in donating, please click here. If you're interested in being a Sole Sister (or Running Buddy for the Spring 5K), please let me know!

For the girls,

Jen

You Rock

2012-01-23T18:14:00.000-08:00

I always say "I don't want to live a destination life. Life is about the journey." I never want to get so caught up in "life" that I miss the moments that really matter. In honor of my 30th birthday I thought I'd post a manifesto that expresses my feelings on the celebration of life in a much more eloquent way than I could.

LovethisLife...
is about celebrating the moment
and that we're not guaranteed or owed another day
and how cool it is that what we hide
can actually be the fuel towards our glory
and that it's not so bad being proven wrong

LovethisLife...
is about welcoming the blind turn
and the possibility
that there's no such thing as coincidence
and that empathy is incredibly sexy
and that it's never too late
to pick up a guitar or a paintbrush
or to make an amend or to make a new friend

LovethisLife...
could be about rekindling a past flame
or igniting a new one
or shapeshifting from a dreamer into a doer
or savouring the caress of a love long gone

LovethisLife...
means whatever it is you want it to mean
because

LovethisLife...
is a celebration of you and your path

LovethisLife...
cuz it could go at any second

you rock.

(Love This Life Manifesto)

One Nation Under God

2011-09-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

September 11th is one of those dates that will forever be etched in memories that seem as though they occurred only yesterday. On this 10th anniversary I can't help but listen to the stories of survival and loss and be brought to tears. I'll never understand why events like this come to pass, but I do know that God can use them for His glory as many of today's stories have shown.

When I think back to that day I am thankful that I was a student at Liberty University.

I remember walking from my 8am class to my 9:25 thinking it was just a normal day and then hearing the towers had been hit. Mrs. Wilmington canceled class and allowed us to come to her office to watch the news unfolding on her small TV. That was when we heard the breaking news that the Pentagon had just been hit. And suddenly this event that had seemed distantly awful, confusing, and heartbreaking hit home. Knowing that many of the members of my family were working at the Pentagon or in Crystal City that day, I was now worried for my dad, uncles, aunt, and everyone that I knew in the government and military in D.C.

When I arrived at my 11:50 class my professor, Dr. Diemer, asked us all to get on our knees. And for the next hour we prayed. We prayed for the victims. We prayed for the families. We prayed for the responders. We prayed for our president. We prayed for answers, understanding, and comfort. And I prayed to hear from my family.

Classes were canceled for the rest of the day. And at 3pm the students of Liberty University convened in the Vines Center to pray for our country. I will always be thankful for that moment. I'll forever be grateful for a university that taught young people how to respond in a moment of crisis. Gather together and look to God.

I will always remember the lives that were lost and the lesson I learned that day.

On the 10th anniversary of such a tragic event...I am thankful to God that my family was protected...I remember those who were not as fortunate...and I pray for those they left behind. May we never forget the events of 9-11-01. And may we always remember the spirit of togetherness that followed.

One Nation Under God.

Greater Things Are Yet to Come

2011-08-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

My church had a ground breaking ceremony this afternoon. After 13 years, Celebration is finally going to have an actual church building! Today's event was for us all to see the plans for the new building and be a part of this exciting season for our church family. Leading up to today, the church has been doing a sermon series on "taking ground". We've talked about how this new building is an opportunity to reach more people, but how we should also be "taking ground" in our own lives. The church passed out wooden stakes for us to write down things that we are believing God for. On one side we wrote down things related to our church, on the other we wrote down prayers for our own life. And together this afternoon, we convened with our stakes to pray for this next season in our own lives and the life of the church.

On to the actual events of today...

The morning message was great, fellowship at lunch with the deaf ministry was fun, but then we arrived at the site. We sat in traffic for forever, only to be directed to the farthest possible parking lot across several dirt fields. We started on the long trek knowing we were already late. As we walked in the Florida August heat, it crossed my mind that this really was not the best time of year to be having such an event. When we finally arrived at the tents we couldn't even hear or see the speakers. And did I mention it was hot!? I was just going through the motions, and if I'm being honest I was really only thinking of myself and my "to do" list for the rest of the day. I did my best to interpret and the service was over in less time than it took to walk there. So I set out to put my stake in the ground and get out of there so we could go get some water.

But as we walked around the site to see where our church will be built, I saw the children's pastor telling passersby about the new building's children's area which will include a separate area for the special needs students. I saw youth gathered around the area that will be for middle and high school students. And I saw families praying around stakes they had placed in the ground. But as I knelt to place my stake in the ground, another stake caught my eye. The end sticking out of the ground said:

"Daddy stop drinking."

And I stopped. With tears in my eyes, I prayed for the child who penned these words. I thanked God for a church that had the opportunity to reach him or her. And I prayed for the father who needs to know how much God loves him. I apologized for being so focused on my own life, and I thanked God for the distraction and for reminding me what it means to live a God-first life. I prayed for the families, the children, and the young people that our church has the potential to reach. And I thanked God for a pastor and church who have followed God's calling to reach the city of Jacksonville.

"For greater things have yet to come, And greater things are still to be done in this city" ~Chris Tomlin

April Inspires the Poet in Me

2011-04-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

April is National Poetry Month. Last year, I posted this poem on my blog in honor of the occasion. This year I thought I'd post another poem. This one was actually an activity for my students, but I decided to participate.

We've been trying to do different activities each afternoon with our students during FCATs. (What are FCATs you ask...Florida.Comprehensive.Assessment.Tests--the state standardized tests our students spend 6 days taking each spring.) The tests tend to tire out both the students and teachers, so teaching in the "normal classes" in the afternoon is difficult. But we don't want to waste instructional time watching movies or playing games...so we came up with FUN instructional activities for each afternoon. Which brings me to this poetry activity.

Monday afternoon I did a brief introduction to imagery and descriptive language with all of our 8th graders. Then I split them into 5 groups and sent them off with a teacher to different areas of our huge campus. (Then we met back in the middle school and had volunteers read their poems and students -not in the same group- guessed where on campus the author had been.) My group walked back to a gazebo on the intracoastal. The scenery inspired the following poem.

Soaking in My Surroundings

by Miss Kilpatrick

My hair dances freely in the cool breeze.
Sparkling water meanders slowly by,
while ropes clang rhythmically against the flagpole.

A bird strolls about on nearby grass, pecking for food.
Finding none, he flies away.
My eyes follow him.

Past the marsh he calls home are trees,
red rooftops peaking over their leaves.
What is beyond them I cannot see.

The salty stench is almost sweet.
It sends me back
…
to times gone by:
family visits to the beach,
but once a year.

For just a moment I am a child again,
carefree,
soaking in my surroundings.

(I almost forget this is work.)

Karen Wants to Kill Me

2011-03-15T19:41:00.000-07:00

Apparently, my friend, Karen, decided that doing a 100 Pushup Challenge wasn't enough. So I've now joined her on the 200 Pushup Challenge. For the record, both challenges are kickin' my tail.

After 2 weeks I can barely do 10 pushups and 35 situps. Oh where, oh where have my muscles gone!?!

I'm repeating Week 2 of the pushups, and continuing with week 3 of the situps.

Wonder how many weeks it'll take before I can actually do it...

As a side note: I swam a mile this morning. Also kicking my butt!

I'm thinking I should just go back to running!

A Race Bucket List

2011-03-15T17:37:00.000-07:00

I made a list of just a few races that I'd really like to do some day.

All you runners out there: Any others I should add?

VA is for Lovers 14K

Cherry Blossom 10-Miler

Shamrock 1/2 Marathon

Expedition Everest Challenge

Ragnar Relay

Turtle Crawl Triathlon

Krispy Kreme Challenge

The Next Challenge: Who's In?

2011-03-01T14:26:00.001-08:00

It's hard to believe that 11 years ago I could do more push-ups than my sister! I was a dancer and cheerleader and actually had some muscles. My gymnastics coach would make us do handstand push-ups and wide arm pull-ups on the uneven bars. When I did Junior Miss we did them on stage while smiling at the audience.

And then...I went to college. I broke my elbow. I stopped dancing. I stopped cheering. And I stopped any kind of activity that required upper body strength. (And my sister joined the Army, went to boot camp, and can now kick my butt!)

I always whine about my puny stick arms. So when I made my 30 Before 30 list I decided to add the 100 Push-up Challenge. And I'm starting today. It might take a few months. I might even have to do some girl push-ups first. But I am going to do this. How hard can it be? (Don't answer that!)

Who else is in?

(PS-I do promise to post about the marathon with pictures sometime soon.)

The Journey...

2011-02-17T23:30:00.000-08:00

to a Marathon!

(How I ran a marathon...And how you can too!)

(People always assume that I've always been a runner...so I thought I'd tell my story.

But I must warn you...it's a bit long!)

Jes kept asking me this weekend if I was surprised that I had actually run a marathon and if I had ever thought 10 years ago that I would be a "marathoner". And well...I guess the answer is "No."

I mean I've always been athletic, but I've never really been particularly great at any sports. I remember running a 7:34 mile in the 5th grade and being so proud of myself. I was always one of the faster girls in gym class, but when I joined the track team in 9th grade, I was one of the slowest! Okay...I was THE slowest. I honestly don't remember my mile times, and it was the only event I really ever competed it. All I know is that I came in last at every race! (Well, not really every race...there was this one time that I passed a girl who puked and kept running to finish behind me.) After one season, I never joined the team again. (And as I got older, I continued to get slower!)

In 2004, I was in my first year of teaching and I knew that I needed to start working out to get back in shape after college. I met a few friends at the Y on a snow day. I went to join the Y, but somehow my friends convinced me to do a sprint triathlon that the Y was sponsoring. At the time it was the craziest thing I had ever set out to do. But I was committed and learned to swim and bike enough to complete the race. I didn't do an amazing job, but I loved the feeling I got by setting and achieving a goal! When the race was over, I vowed to do it again the next year. But after reality set in I realized that I didn't like to bike or swim. So I stuck to jogging for exercise. That summer I had a student at Governor's School who was training to run a half marathon. She told me all about the Rock n Roll Half Marathon at VA Beach and I was immediately in awe of the idea. (But not exactly on board yet!)

In 2005, Jes convinced me to run a 4 miler in Lynchburg. At the time that was the farthest I'd ever run (and Jes kicked my butt!) That fall I also volunteered at the Army 10-miler in DC. I had a blast and thought that I might one day run the race.

A few months later in the spring of 2006, my roommate convinced me to run a 10K (6.2 miles). I ran/walked 13 minute miles to finish the Monument Ave 10K...and I was officially hooked! I loved it! It was such a friendly race! I decided that if I trained I could complete that half marathon and the 10 miler....so I signed up for both and started training. That fall I ran/walked both races. I did the half in just under 3 hrs (almost 14 min miles) and the 10 miler in just under 2 hours (almost 12 min miles)

But then I went to grad school for 2 years! During that time, I had no time for exercise! But I did "run" 6 5Ks. I didn't really train for them and my pace progressively got worse over the 2 years. ( I started out with a 32:45 and ended with a 38:24) So when I graduated one of the first goals I set was to train for and RUN a half marathon.

And in January of 2009, I did it. I ran the Disney Half Marathon. I kept a slow pace, but I didn't walk. I finished in 2:33 exactly. And this time I was really hooked and immediately signed up for my next half. And somehow...I became a runner.

Yes, I was athletic. Yes, I'd completed a few races. But I didn't really start running until I moved to Florida after grad school. Since then I've competed in 12 races: three 5Ks, one 4.7 miler, one 5 miler, three 10Ks, one 15K, & three half marathons.

I'm not fast. (Though I'm slowly improving.) But I still love to run.

I like to raise money for charities.

I like to have a reason to make me exercise.

I like to set goals.

I like to get free T-Shirts and bags.

I like to see people cheer me on.

I like to achieve goals.

Which brings me to my most recent achievement...a marathon.

In the Spring of 2009, I saw a table for the 26.2 with Donna while picking up my packet for the 15K. I picked up the brochure thinking I might do the half. The girl working the table overheard me say to my friend that I could never do a full and started to tell me how she had just run her first using the Jeff Galloway method (running/walking). I was interested, but cautious.

That May I went to a workshop with Jeff Galloway and learned all about the method and considered joining a group to run a marathon before I turned 30. But when the time came to join the training group, I chickened out!

But last summer I made my 30 Before 30 list and listed "Run a Marathon". From there it was just a matter of follow-through. I looked at races all over the country, but decided to stick with a local race...and chose The Donna. In September, I made a training plan and started training 22 weeks before the race. At that point the farthest I had ever run was 13.1 miles...but during my training I ran a few longer runs: 15, 19, and 21 miles. (I should have done more, but an injury and the holidays messed me up).

And then this past Sunday, I set out to finish a marathon. And I did! (And I wasn't last! In fact, I did it in under 5 hours! I finished 425th out of 929 women!)

I'd be lying if I said I was not considering doing another...but for now I'm content to work on my pace for some shorter races. But even if I never do another, I can always say I did it! I ran a marathon! Not many people can say that. And, "No, I didn't really ever think I would be one of those people!"

It's amazing what you can do with a little goal setting, determination, and commitment.

If I can do it, you can too. One goal at a time.

Jerry Falwell (Sr) used to say, "What's your B-HAG?'" (Big Harry Audacious Goal). Well, mine was a marathon.

What's your B-HAG? And what are you waiting for?

Unexpected Memories

2010-10-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

(If you want to understand this post, you might want to read this first.)

Sometimes I think it’s funny how memories work.

You are going about your normal habits, routines, and daily rituals…and suddenly, when you least expect it, something reminds you of a moment in your past.

I’m not really a date person. It’s not that I can’t remember, I could tell you the date I had my first eye surgery (January 16, 1991), the date I graduated from high school (June 16, 2000), the date I started my first teaching job (January 5, 2004), or any other mildly important date in my life. But the thing is dates aren’t really that important to me. I rarely even celebrate my birthday!

The anniversary of Joe’s death came and went without much consideration on my part. Sure I mentioned to Jes that it was a bit odd being at “home” and at a high school football game on that day, but it was a passing comment and didn’t occupy my thoughts much longer than the amount of time it took for the words to come out of my mouth.

But then, I saw my former youth pastor’s Facebook status. He mentioned that a group of youth from his church were going to Scaremare tonight. And the memories washed over me like a wave.

Thirteen years ago, I was on a crowded bus full of teenagers. Our youth group was traveling two hours west of our hometown to go to Scaremare (a haunted warehouse put on by Liberty University students). Most of the students were playing games, talking, and laughing and enjoying this weekend excursion…but I was doing homework. (Yep, I’ve always been a nerd.)

But then I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, a guy I’d never met before gestured to ask me for a piece of paper and a pencil. Of course I had extras, so I handed them on over and went back to my work without thinking much of it.

A few minutes later, I had stopped my homework to have a written conversation with this young man, who introduced himself as “Joe”.

At the time I had no idea how much that night would change my life.

I didn’t know that he would teach me to sign. I didn’t know that he would teach me about faith, passion, and joy. I didn’t know that he would become one of the most important people in my life. And I certainly didn’t know that he would leave my life as quickly and unexpectedly as when he had entered.

I didn’t know I would one day go to Liberty University. I didn’t know that I would give up the plans I had for my life to follow God’s. I didn’t know I’d be a deaf educator.

I didn’t know that Joe would change my life forever.

When I look back, I know that everything happens for a reason. And though I know we all miss him, I wouldn’t change a thing. In the short time that Joe was a part of my life, he impacted me in a way I can’t describe. He changed me for the better and I am forever grateful for the way he touched my life. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for him.

And I’m thankful for the memories that come when I least expect them.

Sometimes I Think Life Can Be Like That

2010-09-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

Okay...so I know that I "hate doctors"...and I know that I "don't take medicine", but I just may have abandoned my former ways due to a recent series of events.

It all started this summer when I decided that I had had just about enough of this not being able to breathe problem and actually went to an allergist. [I realize this might not sound like a big deal, but I can count on one hand (and not use all of my fingers) the amount of times I've been in an ER of doctor's office in the last 10 years. And they were all out of necessity. I DON'T like doctors!] I didn't want to go, but I was tired of not being able to run or enjoy the outdoors, so I finally bit the bullet and actually used the insurance I pay for!

The doctor, who it turns out is tons of fun and a runner by the way, sent me home with Nasonex and an inhaler. (Yeh, apparently I have asthma...who knew you couldn't cure yourself of such things.) Then a month later, when things were anything but better he sent me home with a trial pack of Singulair. That was three weeks ago...

After about a week on the medicine I realized that I could breathe! Like not just that my nose isn't stuffy and I'm not coughing as much...like I can actually breathe easier. Sometimes you don't realize that your normal isn't normal-does that make any sense?

I didn't realize that I had been working so hard just to actually breathe. It's like when I finally got really good contacts in college and could see the actual thread pattern in my jeans. I had no idea that breathing was supposed to come so easy. And I had no idea that I wasn't seeing what other people were seeing--like my ENTIRE LIFE! I had no idea I was lacking anything, until I had what I'd been missing.

You know, sometimes I think life can be like that. We get caught up in trying to do things on our own and we are just treading water. But then someone comes along (a friend, a family member, a colleague, God, etc.) and lends a helping hand. Suddenly, we realize how hard we were working and how much easier it could have been had we just humbled ourselves and accepted assistance earlier. And sometimes we think the way we see our current situation, our life, or the truth is the whole picture, until someone comes in with a bit of wisdom and all of a sudden it's like someone brought the picture into focus. And we never knew we weren't seeing what was there all along. Sometimes we don't know what we are lacking, until we have what we've been missing.

Does This Mean I'm Getting Old?

2010-08-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that kids never appreciate Dark Chocolate? Why is that?

For years, I never understood why anyone enjoyed anything but Milk Chocolate. And then one day I woke up and realized...Dark Chocolate is amazing! Strange. Klondike Dark Chocolate=YUM!

Does this mean I'm getting old?

I Own 47 Pairs of Shoes

2010-08-26T17:45:00.001-07:00

...23 Skirts...26 Dresses...24 Pairs of Pants...and well, I think you get the point!

(Here's a picture of part of my closet in case you weren't

fully comprehending where I was going with this!)

I would love to tell you that it's because I've worn basically the same size for the last 10 years, or that most of them were bought on sale, some of them don't fit, or some other ridiculous excuse....but that's exactly what it would be...an EXCUSE! There is seriously no reason for any one person to own the ridiculous amount of clothing (or other crap!) that I do.

I've acknowledged this for years, and yet, I really do nothing about it. For 5 summers I packed up everything I needed into a few suitcases and headed off to Governor's School, and I often marveled at all of the left behind items, that I clearly didn't NEED. Every time I move, I complain about the amount of unnecessary "junk" I own (so I downsize...and then buy more stuff!). When I get letters from my Compassion kids and see the things they are thankful for and what they spend their birthday money on, I know how spoiled I am. I often think that if I were called to the mission field tomorrow, I would really take very little of my possessions. And yet, I've clearly never been compelled enough by any of these acknowledgements to actually do something to change my lifestyle.

In January, a friend of mine went on a 6 month shopping fast from clothes and accessories. And while my first thought was "You're crazy!", my second thought was "Wow, I should really do that. I admire her commitment to such an intimidating goal!" So this summer when I read about this 1 year shopping fast, I decided that after years of inaction I'm gonna go for it.

I've told a few friends, and most of them have replied with some form of "You are insane! Why in the world would you do that!" I could give lots of reasons, (hungry children around the world, saving money, exercising self-control, personal challenge, etc.) but I think the more appropriate response is "Why not!?!"

I don't NEED anything! God has provided me with an amazing job, a beautiful home, an awesome church, a loving family, and wonderful friends. I am truly content. I don't need THINGS to make me happy.

And so, here begins my so-called "Shopping Fast"...One (school) year without shopping...No clothes....No accessories...No Books...No journals...No new makeup...No "other things I don't really need"!

Basically the plan is to refrain from spending money on "luxuries" from August 23, 2010 until June 10, 2011. (I know that is a weird date choice, but in my life, it only makes sense to follow a school calendar!) Since many have asked: Yes, I am allowed to buy gifts for others. (And I am making an exception for my matching outfit for the Princess Half 20-3 Reunion Extravaganza-no worries girls!) :)

I'm sure as this adventure gets underway, I'll have to make some determinations about what this challenge does and doesn't include. Truthfully, I think in our culture it's pretty hard to determine what is and isn't necessary. I'm sure we could have lengthy debates about the (un)necessary items in all Walmart shopping cars. But the point is not to get caught up into details, but to stick with the spirit behind the idea.

So here we go....Day 4 is almost complete...only 288 to go! :)

(And yes, I do realize for some of you this commitment would entail very little challenge...but let's not forget "I own 47 pairs of shoes"!)

My Cup Runneth Over

2010-08-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

You know how they say your cup is either half empty or half full? Well my cup isn't half anything! It's overflowing. I am blessed beyond measure. I mean really...I don't know any other way to say it! I'm satisfied, I'm happy, I'm blessed. :)

"Joy is the feeling of grinning on the inside."

Dr. Melba Colgrove

What Are You Waiting For?

2010-07-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

I have a new love....

SWIMMING!!!

(Trust me this post has a point beyond my new hobby...keep reading!)

I've never really been a swimmer. I mean I know how to swim-I think my mom taught me when I was young or something? And I'm pretty athletic and fearless, so I loved going out on the lake as a kid. So it's not like I can't swim. I even passed the lifeguarding test once when I was working as a summer camp counselor (in 2001). And then in 2004, I trained enough to swim 300 meters in a triathlon. Now I guess some people would argue that these 2 experiences would make me a swimmer. But I've never swam farther than 500 meters (for the lifeguard test) and I've always found it to be pretty difficult and never enjoyed it. In fact, because I don't enjoy it I haven't swam since the tri! We're talking 6 years!!!

But a friend of mine is a swimmer...and about a year and a half ago we made a deal that I would help her become a runner, if she would help me become a swimmer. Well, we started jogging together and she even did a few 5Ks with me, but we never got to the swimming part.

After procrastinating quite a bit we finally did my first "lesson" last week! She watched me swim and gave me a few pointers and I swam across the pool a few times. My goal for the day was to do a lap (there and back across the pool, 50 yards). When we first started I thought about adding "swim a mile" to my 30 before 30, but decided against it when she told me that I'd have to swim 36 laps (as in across the pool 72 times!)! I thought it would be absolutely impossible-so I scratched the idea!

Then we met to swim every day this week...

On Monday, I made a goal to do 2 laps (100 yards) at one time. I did so once or twice and I ended up swimming 600 yards. I still didn't really enjoy it, but decided if I was going to try to make this an occasional hobby I should get some good goggles and a suit. So I made a little trip to Dick's.
Then on Tuesday, I arrived ready to go with my new swim attire. And I decided that swimming was in some ways like running. It's mind over matter. I've always been able to push myself past what I think I can do in running, so why not swimming too. So I decided that I was just going to tell myself, "Yes, you might feel like you can't breathe, but you can, and you are not going to drown. Keep going." And something totally changed. All of a sudden I could breathe, and I could keep going. So my goal for the day was to swim 4 laps (200 yards) without stopping. I did it quite a few times! And I ended up swimming a total of 900 yards. (That's 1/2 a mile!)
Then on Wednesday, I had newfound confidence! I did 6 laps (300 yards) without stopping! And then 8 laps (400 yards) without stopping! Altogether I swam 1200 yards! And I left feeling great!
And today, I swam 12 laps (600) without stopping TWICE! Seriously, it was pure insanity in my mind. Remember, I had never swam more than 500 EVER in my life-and I only did that once when I was 19! Today's total: 1350 yards (That's 3/4 of a mile!)

I'm serious...I absolutely had no idea I could do it! And now, I totally know I can. So on the list or not, I'm totally planning to swim a mile (without stopping) before I turn 30. (Maybe even before I turn 29!)

Sometimes we totally underestimate ourselves and let our lack of confidence hold us back from what we can achieve.

No, swimming isn't a huge life goal of mine. And in 5 years this blog post will likely be the only memory of this "event" in my life. But I had to put it into words, because I don't want to forget. I'm glad I've found a new hobby to love, but what I'm more excited about is the lesson I've learned.

A week ago, I thought there was no way I could ever swim a mile! And today, I know a can! One week has changed my perspective THAT MUCH! I kept myself from becoming a swimmer all of my life because (until 2 days ago) I didn't believe I could. I was the only one holding myself back.

And now I have to ask, "What else am I holding myself back from?" What has God given me a vision for, that I have simply dismissed as an unattainable far fetched dream? I am the only one holding myself back.

So, I have to ask, what is it you are holding yourself back from?

"What would you attempt to do, if you knew you could not fail?"

~Author Unknown

Don't Ever Let Anyone Steal Your Joy

2010-07-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

Get Ready...It's a long one! Originally entitled "Is that so hard to understand?", this entry found a new direction since I first started writing it.

(Excerpt from Natasha Bedingfield's "Single")

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me

(Cos I'm happy where I am)

Don't depend on a guy to validate me

(No no)

I don't need to be anyone's baby

(Is that so hard to understand?)

No I don't need another half to make me whole

Okay, so I love this song. It's pretty much always been my mantra. Truthfully, I'm never very up on pop-culture, so I had actually never heard this song until my friend, Lindsay, mentioned that this song was the ringtone that played when I called her. (Thanks, Lindsay...I'm always happy to be your "only single friend"!)

So of course I had to listen to this song that apparently reminded her of me, and well...I loved it. In fact every time someone asks me "So, are you dating anyone?", I want to break into a rousing rendition of "Single". (Lucky for all of you, I refrain. 'Cause let's face it, I ain't no Natasha Bedingfield.)

In all seriousness, it really annoys me that other people have a hard time understanding that I could be single and happy. In fact, it bothers me so much that I posted the following diatribe on facebook after an encounter that was the last straw for me! ‎"But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness." 1 Cor 7:7.

Is there a reason that some of my friends and family don't get this? I swear if you you call me one more time and tell me that you are "worried about me", I "need to join a running club", I "should take a welding class", I am "too picky", I "don't hang out in the right places", I "need to have an open mind", or you "know a great guy who's also religious", I am going to scream. I am content to be single until God purposes something different for my life, so could you also be content in this and stop trying to "fix me"

Anyway, there is a point to this post other than the ability of a pop star to capture my thoughts in a song and the fact that I engage in the occasional ranting via Facebook instead of realizing that people are just trying to help. So let's get back to my point...If I can figure out what that is!

I started this post a few months ago, and then I sort of let myself forget about it, because I was kind of rambling and not really making a point. (Shocker!) But last night I was at a devo group and a girl said "My grandma used to always say..."Don't ever let anyone steal your joy."" And I realized that that was exactly what I had wanted to say in this entry...

I know you're thinking that's not what I was saying at all...And I have to agree...but I just wasn't there yet! So if you'll be patient with me, I'll try to explain.

When I moved to Florida I had so much to be joyful about: the completion of graduate school, a free house to live in, beautiful beaches, a job at the largest deaf school in the nation, an opportunity to buy my own house, and above all a fresh start.

But it was a tough transition for me. I didn't know a single person in Florida! I lived in a neighborhood where I clearly did not fit in. My job was not something I enjoyed. I was having trouble finding a church. All of my friends and family were far away. I felt alone. Then I looked at my sister, who was having a baby, and while I was extremely excited for her part of me was sad for me. It may sound selfish, but I'm just being honest here. We're TWINS. We are supposed to do everything together. And I knew that our kids wouldn't be able to grow up together. It's not like this was a shock. She had been married for almost 5 years for crying out loud! And it's not like I wanted to get married and immediately have kids. But the truth is that I want to be a mom more than anything in this world. And it suddenly hurt to know that my grandma was around to see my sister have kids, and I may not have that same opportunity. And "everyone" (yes, this is an exaggeration, but it is how I felt and also close to accurate given my Southern roots..) kept asking me if I was going to settle down and get married and have kids now that I was done with school.

What I realized last night is that the reason I now get so annoyed with others remarks is not because of their lack of understanding. It's because I know I let them steal my joy.

I started to believe the lies that Satan was telling me. That I am a lesser person because I am single. (I am not.) That I needed to have a husband or children to complete me. (I don't.)

That I need to change who I am. (I don't) Or that i need to change what I'm looking for. (I don't.)

Probably the strangest thing, is that I've always been the girl singing that song ("I'm single...that's how I wanna be"). But suddenly I became someone else, that I didn't even know. I let my circumstances and loneliness, make me change my perspective. I'm not trying to blame others-because I know that most of them were trying to be supportive in their own way. But sometimes, people (including the church!) don't realize just how deeply their words can hurt you. Friends and family mean well, but sometimes the very things they say to encourage you leave scars on your heart that you don't even notice are there.

And then one day you wake up and you realize that your joy is gone. You realize that you've let the world tell you what you needed to be happy. You realize that you've let them change your perception. You realize that you've let them change YOU.

Well, okay. Maybe it wasn't exactly one day in my case. Maybe It was more like a matter of months. But God has reminded me that He has a plan for me, and it's so much greater than I can imagine. It's not about a husband, kids, or a house. Those things will not complete me. Only Christ can.

Christine Caine challenged a room full of single women during Shine at Celebration Church to trust that God has the best for us and to trust Him enough to wait longer than we want to. She encouraged us to make a covenant with God that we will not compromise.

I did, I am, and I hope you will do the same. Whether you're single, dating, married, divorced, or widowed...make a promise to God that you will not compromise in any area of your life. If God is for us, who can be against us? Nothing can separate us from his love. (Romans 8) And His love is all we need.

He has a plan, If you'll just trust him. "Don't ever let anyone steal your joy."

Better Than a Hallelujah

2010-07-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I trick myself into thinking that I have to have it all together. That I have to praise God for the blessings in my life, because I know they outweigh the pains. I make myself think that joy means being happy and thankful in every circumstance. But we can trust and understand God's plan while still hurting. Our tears don't make us less holy; they make us real.

It's true that God wants our worship, but sometimes that includes our tears. We can't hide them from God, He already knows our heart. God just wants our HONESTY. THAT is worship. No games. No masks. No walls. No forced smiles. Just honest cries..."They're better than a hallelujah sometimes."

And now, the song I heard today on the radio that reminded me of this truth. (You didn't expect me to have a point without a song, did you?)

30 Before 30

2010-07-08T19:54:00.000-07:00

First an explanation:

Recently, I was catching up with some old friends and we started talking about "Bucket Lists". I told them about my goal to run a marathon before I turn 30, and a friend told us about her list of "101 Things in 1,001 Days". I hadn't heard of this project before, but I was immediately intrigued with the idea! Her enthusiasm was so contagious that I was inspired to create my own. Of course, I always have to do things my own way, and this is no exception. So Instead of making a list for the next 2.75 years, I decided to stick with the "before I turn 30" theme which will give me 1.5 years. After quite a bit of brainstorming, I have made a list of 30 Things to do Before I Turn 30 (aka-30 Before 30).

And now the list:

1-Run a marathon.

(A FULL!--As in...26.2 miles)

2-Eat a hot dog at Coney Island.

3-Overcome a fear.

4-Take a class in something new. (painting, sewing, surfing)

5-Ride in a hot air balloon.

6-Go kayaking.

7-Go ice skating at Rockefeller Plaza.

8-Visit at least one of the states I have not yet been to.

(Since there are 34 of them, it shouldn't be too hard!)

9-Camp in a tent on the beach.

10-Do something nice for a stranger.

11-Try a new type of dance.

12-Visit Savannah for St Patrick's Day.

13-Do something spontaneous.

14-Taste wine at a vineyard.

15-Go to a mystery dinner theater.

16-Submit a postcard to Post Secret.

17-Test drive a convertible.

18-Complete the Push Up Challenge.

19-Mail someone a package-just because.

20-Volunteer at a charity run.

21-Write a letter to myself to open on my wedding day.

22-Write down something I am thankful for everyday.

(And make them all different-eek!)

23-Dance in the rain.

24-Tryout/audition for something. Or enter some kind of contest.

25-Compete in a race with a partner or team

(Like one of these: Muddy Buddy, Ragnar Relay, Expedition Everest Challenge)

26-Eat in a restaurant or go to a movie alone.

(And no texting while I'm there!)

27-Read all the books (I have not yet read) on my shelves.

(And don't buy any new ones until I do!)

28-Make a list of 30 things I like about myself.

29-Send letters to 30 people who have impacted my life in some way.

30-Watch a sunrise over the Atlantic and a sunset over the Gulf in the same day.

For each of the things I don't accomplish, I plan to donate $10 to the Special Olympics.

So here we go...I have until January 21, 2012. If you want to join me on any of these adventures, let me know! Some of them can't be done alone! :)

I know He will, because He already has.

2010-05-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

For the past (almost) 10 years, I have been working towards one central goal for my life. The details of that goal have changed a bit, but the ultimate dream has stayed the same. I wanted to teach deaf kids. By the time I determined that this was the vision I had for my life, I was already at Liberty University (because God knows better than I do). And because of a plethora of reasons, I determined that it was best to stay at LU and major in Special Education, with my ultimate goal being to obtain my masters in Deaf Education (and be teaching deaf kids in the fall of 2005, ha!).

As an undergraduate student I thought I wanted to work with preschoolers, though at the time I would have settled for younger elementary students. However, I had no desire to work with middle schoolers. In fact, when I got my first internship placement in a middle school-I cried. (Not that this is surprising if you knew me at the time, because I cried at most things during that overwhelming period of my life!) Turns out, I loved my placement at the middle school, and hated my subsequent placement at an (obnoxiously affluent) elementary school. (Yes, God, you know better than I do!)

By the time I graduated, I was so broke that moving to Pennsylvania for graduate school was not an option. So because God's plan was yet again better than my own, I found myself teaching in Virginia for 3 years. It wasn't the job I wanted. But it was a job and it paid the bills and helped me pay off my debt. After teaching 3rd-5th graders and then high school students and coaching some awesome cheerleaders, I finally returned to school to pursue my goal of becoming a deaf educator.

I headed to Tennessee where I got a job working with elementary school students at the school for the deaf (because He is the God who provides). I spent spent two years there pursuing my masters in Deaf Education. When it came time to complete an internship, I knew that I wanted to teach middle schoolers upon graduation, but because I wanted to be as prepared as possible to accept any job offers, I requested primary grades. (My internship was fun, but my mentor teacher kept telling me, "You are a great teacher, but you have to slow down with them." Haha.)

And finally I graduated! I was totally psyched to finally achieve my goal, but God again had another plan. Though I received offers for (7) teaching jobs (which is crazy considering the job market in deaf education right now, but He is bigger than the job market) in Florida, Virgina, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas, Delaware, and Arizona, I took the 8th job offer. This job was in Florida, far from my family and friends, in fact, I didn't know a soul in Florida. This job wasn't even in the classroom. But because of an amazing opportunity to live in a house rent-free for a year, I knew I could continue to trust and wait on God for His perfect timing (I mean I was already 3 years behind my goal at this point...what's another year or two!?) .

And now, I am finally living my dream. In July of 2009, after paying off my grad school loans and buying a house, God finally blessed me with the phone call I had been waiting for all summer. I am now teaching deaf middle schoolers in Florida. His timing and details were different than my own, but He orchestrated it all and I am finally here. The vision that I have had for myself since my freshman year of college is now a reality.

But this past week, I attended a women's conference at my church (insert shameless plug for SHINE!!!). And I realized something...I have lost vision. For years, I have made my prayer "Lord, I don't want to live a destination life." See often in my pursuit of my vision, I found it difficult to enjoy the journey, because I was so consumed by the destination. And so I often found myself praying that God would help me to not live what I called "a destination life." But today I found myself praying a very different prayer.

The thing is that for years I've been working towards this goal in my life. I've known what I wanted (and what God wanted) for my future. But now that my dream has been realized, I have lost my vision. I've gotten caught up in teaching, tutoring, interpreting, taking classes, and all of the things that consume my present. I mean sure, I talk about the future and what I want in life, but it mostly consists of statements like... "I want to be a mom", "I'd like to get married some day", "I'm considering getting my PhD, but not any time soon!", "I'll probably move closer to "home" one day, but not for at least 4 years!", "I want to be involved in ministry, but I don't know when or how". So yes, I do have thoughts and considerations for the future. But I don't really have a clear vision for my life. I don't know where I'm headed, or where I want to be headed.

I'm not saying that I'm not content to stay in Florida or in deaf education. Or that I have to have a ten point plan with a timeline for the next twenty years of my life; I of all people know that God has a plan that's better than my own. But I am saying that I want a vision. I want to be content in my present and enjoy what God has accomplished through me, but know that I have not arrived at my final destination. My journey is not over, just because I have passed one big milestone. I'm still just training for the marathon. And so I must have vision for my future. I want a reason to have to step out and trust God. I want to work towards something that is bigger and better than me, and that challenges me to step out in faith.

I don't know yet what that is. But I do know that I am going to start praying for God to reveal that to me. (And I have no doubt that it will start with me getting back into leading and serving, because that is where and when he blesses me the most.) I am going to have faith that if I follow him and the vision he gives me for my life, He will bless me with more than I can imagine. I know He will, because He already has.

Blissful Exhaustion & Guilty Pleasures on a Sunday Night

2010-05-02T19:12:00.001-07:00

Ever have one of those days when you are just exhausted? Not the kind of exhaustion where you are sleep deprived, mentally tired, or overwhelmed. No. The kind where you have had an amazingly fun and/or productive day and you are so physically tired you can't do anything but lounge on the couch. Like when you've been at an amusement park all day. Or when you have walked all over Rome in the heat of July. Or when you have gone on a really long run and then spent the day running errands all over town. Blissful Exhaustion.

Yes that's me today. Got up early and finished reading a great book (more on that later). Attended the 9:30 service of Celebration Church Online. Interpreted the message at 11:30 service at Celebration. (Awesome worship! Amazing sermon! Great visitors! Oh and have I mentioned how much I have grown to love interpreting!?) Shine all-call practice for the conference opener. (Super fun! But...wow, am I out of shape! I so need to start dancing on a regular basis!) Grocery shopping at Walmart. (That place is crazy!) Hanging cellular shades. (All by myself!) Cleaning my house. (But I'm definitely not finished!) Desperate Housewives and Hershey's Bliss (Creme de Menthe, of course) are the only appropriate ending for this kind of day. :) Guilty pleasures on a Sunday night.

Tiger Cubs

2010-04-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

St. Augustine Wild Reserve brought tiger cubs to our school last week. Minus this (narrowly escaped) disaster involving a "service dog" and a tiger, it was a really cool experience. It is so sad to me that these beautiful animals (and so many others) are endangered. I hate that our world has "paved paradise to put up a parking lot". While I wish that we could see these animals in their natural habitat, I am not naive enough to think that they will survive in the wild much longer (even if we start making dramatic changes now). It's too late; humans have already destroyed too much of God's creation. So now we must preserve endangered species in zoos and wild reserves. I know that captivity is not ideal, but if it weren't for these protected environments most endangered species would extinct. And so I'm thankful for places like the St. Augustine Wild Reserve. And I definitely foresee a visit in my near future.

(Please excuse my voice on this video...I was talking to the white tiger and then one of the workers from the reserve...Clearly, I was unaware that my friend was filming!)

The white one was so cute, he kept putting his paw on my hand and then pushing his nose up under my hand to get me to pet his head. He was born on the grounds at the St Augustine Wild Reserve. They do not intentionally breed animals, but when they rescued the tigers parents they had to keep them in a common enclosure until they built separate ones. They were quite surprised when this little tiger and his sister appeared one morning, because they thought the mom was not able to have babies! His sister died from a birth defect when she was only 5 weeks old. She was born with a hole in her heart.

The orange one was absolutely adorable. He kept coming back over to me and rubbing against the enclosure. I think he likely that we both have "orange" hair. :) He was given to the Wild Reserve by a zoo that could not care for him.

I just loved their visit. I had never been so close to baby tigers before (though I once had by picture taken with a Liger-and I promise I didn't make that up, they do exist). I know that these animals can attack and be very dangerous, but the cubs were just so sweet. I totally understand how ignorant people would want to adopt one. Luckily, there are organizations like St. Augustine Wild Reserve that are willing to take care of these animals when the aforementioned ignorant people realize that baby tigers become adult tigers.

Today, We Are ALL Hokies

2010-04-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

We Are Virginia Tech

by Nikki Giovanni

We are Virginia Tech.

We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.

We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.

We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devestated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.

The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think we are and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

We are the Hokies.

We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.

We are Virginia Tech.

Because April is Poetry Month

2010-04-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

"Ode to the Egret"

A grey gas-guzzler

travels on a country road.

A brawny brown bird

wanders into unknown danger.

flip flip

flap flap

fwooooooshh

FUMP

… ...

How unfortunate

for the poor egret.

A Glimpse Into My Classroom

2010-04-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

I always find myself way too busy with school work for both my grad classes and the classes I teach! And somehow blogging seems to make it's way to the bottom of my list (along with hanging pictures, putting together bookshelves, and hanging shades!).

I have nothing interesting to blog about at the moment, so I thought I'd post a link to my new teacher website! Since teaching consumes roughly 70% of my life, you can see what I'm up to the majority of the time! :)

http://teachers.fsdb.k12.fl.us/~kilpatrickj/

Ten-Ten--Ten

2010-03-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

I've been saying for quite a while that I was going to do a full marathon before my 30th birthday. No good reason, just as a personal challenge...something "fun" to do. In January, I realized I better get on this goal, cause I only have 2 years. So since the Princess Half it's been on my mind, but I can't decide when or where. I do know that I want it to be in a flat and fun place. Recently, a few runner friends of mine have suggested Chicago. And the Chicago Marathon is on 10/10/10 this year. That seems like a pretty good reason to do it...

(But my 10 year high school reunion might be that weekend...

so that might be a pretty good reason not to do it.)

What do you think? :) 10-10-10 Is that a sign?

A New Favorite

2010-03-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

I mean seriously...it's like Ingrid Michaelson/Regina Spektor meets Meredith Andrews/Bethany Dillon....you have to watch if you haven't seen these girls. Tal and Acacia are sisters that are seriously anointed...love their sound! Enjoy! :)

I Should Have Paid Attention in Bible College

2010-03-12T20:39:00.000-08:00

If you were to assume that I (as a graduate of a Christian University) have a pretty good understanding of theology....well, you might be wrong. When I was at Liberty I was way too busy working at the Y, curriculum library, and Club Body Co....being a prayer leader, SLD, and RA...taking way too many classes...doing a million practicums....and well, you get the idea. I was trying to make enough money to stay in school and graduate in 3 years. It was a bit insane.

And now I find myself saying (all too often), "I should have paid attention in bible college." I really took for granted the opportunities I had while I was there. Of course, I did the minimum to get by and actually managed a 3.5 GPA...but my religion classes were usually the least of my worries and often my worst grades. I had classes in New Testament and Old Testament. In NT I'm pretty sure I spent the semester flirting with a guy in my class (what?....I was a freshman, I didn't even think I'd stay at LU!)...and I don't even remember OT! Then I had 2 theology courses: the first I took in a video format (and got a C), the second I took in a one week intensive. (Clearly I learned a lot!) I even had a class in Apologetics...sadly it was pass/fail which translated to "I only have to go on test days".

Anyway...this week I once again found myself wishing I had actually paid attention in these classes. A friend of mine was looking at private schools and read the Apostle's Creed (above) aloud to me. And it really stunned me. This might sound crazy but I had never heard anyone say that Christ went to Hell for 3 days. My first thought was "People believe this!?" Then my second thought was "Wait, is that true?" And then my head became a flurry of thoughts and for some reason I suddenly doubted what I had ever believed. So after a few days of thinking I knew that this was something that I personally do not believe, but I wanted to learn where the belief came from. And so I found myself reading up on the Apostle's Creed tonight. Yes, this is what I was doing on a Friday night.

I really should have paid attention in bible college.

Another Reason I love St Patrick's Day...

2010-03-11T14:27:00.000-08:00

...Noticing a trend?

(Sadly McDonald's was out this evening.)

Just One of the Many Reasons I Love St Patrick's Day...

2010-02-21T18:05:00.001-08:00

3 Years Later

2010-02-12T18:39:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has known me and spent any amount of time in my presence over the last 3 years has at some point most likely heard me mutter the phrase "Stupid French Canadian" (or something like it).

Tonight, as I was sitting at dinner (at Jason's Deli with some wonderful friends in case you were wondering) I was complaining of a headache and bumming medicine off a friend when I realized that today is February 12th. I seriously can't believe it is 3 years later!

See in 2007, on this very date I was chatting on the phone with my (adorable) grandma while driving to the University of Tennessee to take a test when some (crazy) delivery truck driver from Quebec plowed into my SUV. (He turned left from the right hand lane-maybe that's okay where he's from?! Anyway...) The amazing (guardian angel...) thing is that I sort of saw it coming! So after "calmly" ending my phone call, slamming on my breaks, and blowing my horn...I was sort of astonished that the impact was still so severe. But as he continued to push my SUV down to the next light on the road he had turned onto and other cars started honking, I realized this crazy man wasn't even aware he had hit me! When the police arrived, he claimed to not understand English enough to answer any questions about what he was delivering, but clearly knew enough to repeatedly state "She make mistake". (Yeh, what was I thinking attempting to drive straight through an intersection in a middle lane!?)

The months that followed led to lots of stress and tears, an awful neck injury, lots of arguments with Canadian insurance people, 6 weeks of a rental car, and $12,000 of damage to my car. And even three years later, there are constant reminders of the event. The man never got a ticket and for all I know is still delivering things in the US. (And because everyone always asks: I was never able to sue him or his "company" because they are Canadian, and I'm not sure I would anyway...because it's just not "me"). I have my car back...but the bumper is starting to hang off, the paint is peeling off, and alignments will always be a temporary fix. And the biggest reminder: my neck. It will never be the same. Even after taking a year and a half off of running, jogging is still hard. The headaches and backpain do dull at times, but never fully subside. And my posture will forever be completely altered.

But I know how lucky I am. Many people end up in the hospital and leave with casts or stitches in surgery sites. Some spend years recovering. And there are others who never leave the intersection. So I know that I was spared that day. I know I am blessed to have the reminders.

And it seems silly to complain about what are really just inconveniences, when I have so much to be thankful for. So instead I am thanking God for His provision. And thanking Him that I am here to write a silly blog 3 years later.

I Became a Teacher for the Three Month Summer Vacation

2010-02-05T19:24:00.000-08:00

In the fall of 2003, while student teaching I suddenly realized that I was running out of money. I loved my jobs at the curriculum library and teaching dance, but lets face it I wasn't exactly bringing in the big bucks! In fact, I was exhausted and barely making ends meet. I determined that my plans for graduate school would have to be put on hold, and started to look for a job (get this...) using my degree that I was about to obtain! My plan was never to teach special education students, but I like all kids and I figured I could do it for 6 months and save up some money. (Turns out I liked it...haha)

In my search for a teaching job on the Department of Ed website I came across a summer job at the Governor's School for Visual and Performing Arts and Humanities. One thing led to another and before I knew it I had a summer job (before I even found a job for January!) I needed the money and figured the extra cash would help me in my efforts to get on with my plans. (graduate school, remember?) But little did I know this simple summer job would continue for 5 Julys and change my life.

Last year at this time, I was trying to determine if I would return for a 6th summer. My sister was due to have a baby and I was in the midst of building a house; consequently, I determined that was enough for one summer and made the decision to take a summer off. (what a novel idea for a teacher...) It turned out to be a great decision with what became a very hectic summer that I'm not exactly sure counts as a "summer off".

(In 2 months I drove to MD, spent fathers day with my dad and took the cats to "summer camp" at my moms, drove to FL, packed up my house, took a quick unexpected flight to VA, saw my adorable premature niece for 3 days, flew to FL, took teacher exams, went to Disney, drove to SC, had a girls vacation with college friends, drove to VA, spent 3 weeks with my adorable niece, drove to DC, picked up my old furniture and cats, drove to FL, put the furniture in storage and dropped the cats at a friends, closed on a house, babysat my friends kids for a weekend, moved my stuff and cats into my house, drove to TN, visited grad school friends, was in my dad's wedding, drove to FL, and suddenly the summer ended and school started....wow, that was tiring just typing....and I'm pretty sure I left out a few things!)

A summer away made realize just how much of a constant governor's school had become in my life. I said last summer that it wasn't goodbye for good, but I didn't know that would translate into my last post. After the recent developments with govschool, I started looking at other summer possibilities (because apparently I don't relax well...)

And I found the National Writer's Project! It is an amazing summer program for teachers where you learn to be a better writer and a better writing teacher! One of my dearest friends attended years ago and highly recommended it. I found an institute at UVA and got really excited! The program runs July 5-30 from 9am-3pm every day. How perfect! I could spend a month of evenings with my niece while becoming a better teacher and writer! You even get 6 hours of graduate credit. (Not that I need credits...I already have 66, and it's not like they'll count for a PhD if I go back...) And the website advertises grants! Perfect consolation for my mourning of govschool, right!?

But then I found out that as a teacher from outside of Virginia, I am not eligible for the grant money and it will be $2,000! I realize that God could have other plans for my summer, but I can't help but be sad. First no govschool, now no NWP. :(

So now I'm wondering if I can find some grant money or save up some tutoring money before the summer or if God has something even better in store. (a mission trip to Greece, perhaps?) :)

But seriously check out just some of what the Writer's Project advertises: (And let me know if you know of any amazing grant opportunities out there!)

http://cvwp.org/summerinstitute2010.htm

http://cvwp.org/CVWP_2010SummerBrochure.pdf

Come to…

• discover and enrich yourself as a writer

• share with and learn from other teachers

• deepen your understanding of writing instruction in your content area

The heart of the Institute is the opportunity to engage in personal and professional writing and to experience and reflect on successful classroom practices in the teaching of writing and using writing as a mode of learning. In a collaborative, supportive setting, we will hone our craft as writers, share our teaching practices, examine current research in the field, and learn from guest speakers. In doing so, we will look closely at effective teaching processes in a wide range of areas, such as:

• Developing the writer’s voice

• Helping students to focus on one main point

• Strengthening students’ writing in various curriculum areas

• Practicing revision and editing

• Using technology to enhance writing

• Most importantly, taking an in-depth look at successful ways by which to engage students as writers

I Won't Say Goodbye

2010-02-03T19:15:00.000-08:00

As I sit here to type I find myself at a loss for words. (If you have missed the recent happenings, you should check out Sheryl Johnson's recent notes.)

The Governor's School for the Visual and Performing Arts and Humanities as we know it has come to an end. And I regretfully acknowledge that it cannot and will not ever be replicated. And yet I remind you that GOVERNOR"S SCHOOL is not a name, it is not a school, and it is not a month. Governor's school is a community. That community is us: the faculty, the RAs, the support staff, and the students. WE are governor's school. Without us, governor's school ceases to exist.

Though Radford will have a program this July, the faculty, staff, and students will be not be attending governor's school (though they will refer to their program by this name). They will make new friends, go to class, attend activities, and probably have a good summer (even if we don't want to admit it). But they won't have attended governor's school. (And my guess is they won't have much trouble explaining what they did during that month.)

As I read the facebook statuses bidding farewell to governor's school, I thought back to the speech I gave at the Closing Ceremonies in 2008. In that speech (which I have reposted below) I said, "Governor’s school is not an experience that ends here. It continues in the relationships and changes that have started this month." Though Governor's School as we know it has come to an end, it is my genuine hope that we will let it live on.

No one leaves governor's school untouched by it's magic. It becomes a part of us. In some small or large way it has made us who we are. And as a result, we carry governor's school with us. So I won't say goodbye, instead I say thank you for being a part of something that will stay with me forever. Thank you for being governor's school.

...I Still Don't Know...

As I stand before you today, I am keenly aware that this is something I would never have done before….before Governor’s School. And yet I find myself here wondering not only why I am standing and speaking on a stage, but how I can put Governor’s School, a program that has somehow changed my life, into words…and I don’t know….

See governor’s school has changed me and I didn’t even notice it occurring. I don’t know when or how…I just know it happened. That’s what this month has been about-change. The people, events, and questions that you have been met with this month have or will in some way alter your life. Some of you are already aware of this transformation…but some of you (like me) will realize this change years from now.

Though you came to governor’s school 4 weeks ago with expectations for this program, there is no way you could have predicted what you have found.

As you pulled up RAs in ugly blue shirts ordered you to put the ridiculous amount of stuff you packed on the grass and move your cars immediately to a parking lot that was just “down the road”….if you take a right, a right, and another right. You waited in lines that stretched out the door in the humid summer heat and began to study and perhaps label each of the persons you saw. Little did you know that the guy standing behind you was your roommate. You had no idea that the girl opening the door for you would soon become one of your best friends. And you had only hoped that the guy in the elevator would be the guy you spent last night dancing with.

On the first day as you gathered on your halls, most of which lacked air conditioning, and sat through meetings that went on and on and on, you wondered if you’d made a huge mistake. You questioned why you had handed over your cell phone and turned down those carefree days with your friends by the pool or that annual trip to the beach in exchange for school during the summer. Now, you’re wondering where 4 weeks went.

Inevitably, when you return home you’ll be asked to explain those weeks. “What did you do this summer?” “What is Governor’s School?” You’ll stand there for a moment not knowing exactly how to answer. How do you explain this experience through words? I can honestly tell you that after 5 years of answering those questions, I still find myself struggling to find a way to respond. This month cannot be explained. Governor’s school cannot be expressed; it must be experienced.

When you return home you’ll try to explain what flashmobbing is and why it really was cool when several hundred people stopped in the middle of a park to point at an imaginary object in the sky. Your friends won’t understand when you shout “group” to your fellow classmates while walking down the hall at your home school. You’ll attempt to explain how you became sheet ningas, thundercats, double d’s, A one-ders, or members of the C-squad. You will reminisce about movie nights, your Hard Knock Life in the nunnery, living in the basement, playing endless games of risk, and creating hostage situations with Chinese food, snakes, and praying mantises. You’ll tell stories or pull up one of the thousands of photographs Big D took, but words and pictures can’t express what WE know.

When I came to the Governor’s School 5 summers ago I had certain expectations for the program. I thought I’d find the introverted scholars, the extroverted actors, the quiet musicians, the confident vocalists, the weird artists, and the serious dancers. What I’ve found is a place where those stereotypes and walls have melted away and 450 people have come together on this last day as one, one family, one GROUP.

As a group we’ve shared in tears, arguments, and laughter. We’ve seen each other at our worst and at our best. We’ve divulged our secrets and greatest fears. We’ve made ourselves vulnerable and have learned from one another. The mosaic that is the faculty, staff, and students is why I can speak in front of you today. Because you accept me as I am. It is only now that I realize I am not an introverted dancer, but a member of this GROUP. It is through this realization that I am finally beginning to understand why I love this program so much.

Recently a fellow RA and I were discussing how amazing you-the students of governor’s school- are and she asked me, “Do you ever wish that you were their age so you could be friends with them?” I responded, “NO!...But I wish they were my age”. I responded jokingly, but our conversation speaks to a very important Governor’s School truth. This is a place where unlikely connections and friendships are made. In this program we are all teachers and we are all students.

You don’t know this yet, but I have learned from my former students that you will keep in touch with your new friends-the students, the faculty and the staff of governor’s school beyond your high school years. Many of you will attend college together, be roommates, and have reunions years from now. In fact many of you will continue to be friends for years to come. Governor’s school is not an experience that ends here. It continues in the relationships and changes that have started this month.

A person I respect very much issued a warning from this stage 27 days ago. At our first meeting as a group Lori said, “The summer you have is the summer you choose.” As we are meeting in this space for the last time, I hope you chose wisely.

On behalf of the RAs and support staff I want to say to you: thank you for asking questions, thank you for being you, and thank you for changing our lives. As you go home we wish you luck as you try to figure out how to put Governor’s School into words for your family and friends.

As for me…I still don’t know…

Dear Motivation to Run,

2010-02-02T16:48:00.001-08:00

Where have you gone? I beg you to please return soon.

The Princess Half is less than 5 weeks away! Your return is quite necessary and sure to be greatly appreciated!

I can't do it without you! Thank you so much for your assistance in this matter.

~Jen

I CAN'T WAIT!!!

2010-01-27T16:21:00.000-08:00

The Largest 10K in the nation!

40,000 runners and walkers!

2 Towns and the 2.5 mile bridge that joins them!

An awesome condo at the beach!

Amazing college and grad school friends!

Memories to last a lifetime!

I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Keep Running

2010-01-24T16:55:00.000-08:00

I have so many things that I want to say! God is teaching me amazing things during this Awakening Challenge! But I don't have the time, so I'll share just one short (well atleast the Jen version of short!) story.

On Saturday morning, I found myself late to a 5K race. (Which is a story in and of itself, that also taught me a lesson, but I'm keeping it short-remember?) The roads to the parking garage at the start were closed. But at this point in my morning, I was determined to run this thing! So I parked in a nearby neighborhood and ran to the start. When I finally reached the start line it was 4 minutes after the gun had gone off and I was already exhausted, yet I technically had not even begun the race.

But I saw some friends who encouraged me to keep running and try to catch up with another friend who was running the race. I decided I could do it or at least try! So I kept on running and made it my goal to catch up with her. And after a few minutes I caught up with the walkers. At that point I figured I might as well take off my jacket, put on my iPod, and pin on my number cause apparently I had joined the race! I did and I kept on running. After about 10 minutes, I caught up to the joggers, and I kept running. After about 15 minutes, I started wondering if there was going to be water on this course, cause I had really already ran a 5K and not exactly at a steady pace! Finally there was water at 2 miles; I enjoyed every drop and kept on running. I never did catch my friend, I finished with a less than stellar time, and I felt more exhausted than I typically do after a 10K, but I did it! I finished the race, even though I started out behind.

And when I finished, I thought "Sometimes life feels like that race!". Right now I'm totally overwhelmed with lesson plans, (half) marathon training, laundry, tutoring, grad class reading and summaries, house projects, Jes' birthday present, research stuff for Texas, and many other things that I am WAY BEHIND ON! But I think I've slowed my pace. I've gotten behind and I've given up and decided it's impossible to catch up to where I want to be.

But I didn't do that on Saturday. When I reached the start line, I started off alone, but determined thanks to my friends' encouragement. And about halfway through the race when I realized I would never catch up to my friend, I set a new goal: to do the best I could given the circumstances. I knew it wouldn't be my best time, and I knew I could have done better. But I decided that it didn't matter, I wasn't going to give up. I was going to keep running.

Right now I feel like I'm at the start line alone and I'm way behind the race. But I'm not alone and finishing isn't impossible. I just have to adjust my goals. And I have to keep running. And so blogging will wait, while I strive to catch up on these things during this 3 day work week!

So here I go on a different kind of race. I'm sprinting ahead to finish as much as I can so I can actually enjoy my long weekend!

The finish line will be awesome, no matter how exhausted I am when I reach it! Thursday morning (after my haircut-yay!) I'm heading to Charleston for birthday celebrations with my Dad, Kathy, Jes, and Raelynn. I CANNOT WAIT! :)

My American Birthday! :)

2010-01-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

I know...you are thinking i must be crazy...(what else is new!?)

See I was born in Geissen, Hessen, West Germany on January 21, 1982 at 1:50AM. But here in The States it was still the 2oth! I recently (no seriously...I just realized this a few months ago!) had this epiphany. And I have decided that as an American, I have the right to celebrate my American Birthday! :)

And so..."Happy American Birthday to Me!" :)

I have no real plans for my (German-haha) birthday tomorrow or this weekend. But next weekend when I get to see Jes in South Carolina we'll definitely do some cake and ice cream (promise, we'll find lactose-free and put lots o' chocolate syrup on it, sister!). I sort of feel like since it's OUR birthday, we can't really celebrate until we are together. And since we haven't been together ON our birthday in years, it's never really a big celebration day for me.

Well, except last year! Remember this! Pretty much the best birthday present ever...even if I did buy it for myself! :) Yep, I'm pretty sure that might be my most memorable birthday ever.

I Tried to Love, then Hate THE SHACK

2010-01-13T19:04:00.000-08:00

See I heard amazing things about it. I saw it on bestseller racks. I watched interviews with readers who said they had never read anything like it. And Christian acquaintances told me how it changed their lives.

So in June of last year when I found myself in an airport with nothing to read. (So unlike me by the way....but I was in the middle of putting everything I owned into storage, when my sister called to say that she was having her baby-a month early! And in my rush to make it to Va in time, I seemed to have forgotten my usual plane companion.) And so I picked up an overpriced copy of The Shack in an airport bookstore.

And I started reading, prepared to love it. And I have to admit...I didn't. It was a such a disappointment that I struggled to continue reading! I found it to be terribly written, the theology to be way off base, and to be honest, way too much like a weird version of A Christmas Carol. Sorry if you hate me for this blunt analysis, but it's how I feel. (And don't stop reading, cause I just might come around.)

In the beginning, the story seemed interesting and the slightest bit suspenseful even though the story is somewhat spoiled by the description on the back cover and the excessive amount of foreshadowing. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he finds God in the shack on page 80. And that's where the book begins to change. Not only in the plot, but also in the writing style. I should also interject at this point that if you are going to sway me to enjoy a piece of fantasy fiction, it's going to have to be amazing. (So earning my approval was admittedly going to be a challenging task for this author). And well...it just wasn't (amazing). I will say that the author and his collaborators are skilled in the use of imagery, but that is where the talent (in my opinion) ends.

I read it off and on during July. (Very unlike me, I am a voracious reader and generally finish a book in less than a week.) I felt like the story was droning on and on. Okay,let's be honest; I didn't just feel that way...it took the guy 250 pages to tell about 2 days of events! Seriously!? So about half-way through, I decided I hated it. And so in another move quite unlike my usually habits, I put it down.

At the end of the summer my friend (who isn't a Christian) asked what I thought, and I went off on a rant about how much I hated it (prepared for her to echo my thoughts)! And then she proceeded to tell me about how it changed her life! (God smack!) She explained that she finally felt that she understood the Trinity. (Again!)

I had to find out more about this book that touched her life and well, I am not a quitter, so I resolved to finish the book! I have picked it up a few times during independent reading time in my classroom since August and FINALLY finished today. And well, I have to admit something (other than the fact that I let my students read for 30 minutes instead of their usual 15, just so that I could finish!)....I neither loved nor hated The Shack. (In fact the ending made it much more enjoyable)

So that's it. It's not an amazing piece of literature, it isn't the most theological sound book, and it certainly didn't change my life. But it does attempt something, I'm not sure anyone has tried to do. And it has changed the life of others. And for those reasons I applaud the efforts of this author and challenge you to try to _______ The Shack. (And if you decide to accept this challenge, let me know what you decide!)

A Fresh Start

2010-01-12T19:19:00.001-08:00

I am currently fasting from Facebook for 21 days. (Though this automatically uploads there: which is slightly ironic!) My church does a 3 week fast each year in January in order to start the year out right. I don't think it's the smartest idea for me to do a food fast, but last week during church God whispered something about fasting Facebook. (I tried to ignore it...but then he got louder...) :)

Stovall (my pastor) was explaining that fasting is how we disconnect from the world and prayer is how we connect with God. And I knew that the best way for me to disconnect from the world was to unplug from Facebook. So no God didn't actually audibly tell me that Facebook was evil or anything, he just convicted me to challenge myself to disconnect from the world in this particular way for a few weeks. (So here I am procrastinating on my blog instead!)

I'm also reading Christine Caine's Stop Acting like a Christian: Just BE One for the 21 days of the fast (and 10 after, since it's a 31 day devotional). It's AWESOME! :) She is such an amazing writer, speaker, Christian, etc. Love her! And the A21 Campaign...I really hope that one day I will be able to go to Greece with my church...but back to my point...

As I sat down to think about New Year's Resolutions, I tried to recall my previous promises. (Disclaimer: I realized the New Year is was technically a week and a half ago, but I hadn't gotten around to it yet!) And I found (after reading 6 years of Xanga and blogs!) that I have never ("publicly") written about my resolutions! How odd. Anyway, none of them are earth shattering and most are repeats of previous years, but they are...

My 2010 New Years Resolutions: (in no particular order)
1-Spiritual: Read my bible more! Spend time with God every day!
2-Relaxation: Read all of the unread books on my shelves! Go to the beach more!
3-Art: Painting, Drawing,and Photography(I miss my artistic self! It's been a while!)
4-Fitness: Don't stop running! :) Dance! :) Ride my bike! :)
5-Health: Cook more! Eat 3 meals every day! Get sleep!
6-Social: Don't be such an introvert! Meet people and don't be a hermit!
7-Professional: Pray for my students every morning! Use my planning time wisely!
8-Other: Write more! (That includes this blog that I've been neglecting!) and Try new things!

I think 2 & 3 are the only new ones...and I'm excited about both! Anyway, I just thought I should get my thoughts down "on paper". So there they are. Maybe now I can come back to this post in a year and see how I did...and you (yes, you!) can hold me accountable!

Random comments: After reading 6 years of posts...I can't believe the road God has taken me on. Really when I think of all that He has delivered me from and taught me...I'm just in AWE. I mean really, I can't believe all that has happened since graduating from LU 6 years ago! It seems like an eternity. I don't even feel like the same person! Also, I found it funny that almost every year for my birthday I posted that I wasn't really celebrating! I'm guess that's true again, since my birthday is in 9 days and I have no birthday plans!? I guess my birthday has never been a big deal to me. So, is it weird that I'm surprised that I'll only be 28!? I always feel like I'm older--I'm gonna answer myself..."Yeh, that's weird."

What a day...

2009-12-31T17:35:00.000-08:00

(Written at 4am on December 31st)

So I just returned from a Walmart trip with my sister...but before I get to that story...

This morning I got up at 5:30 (after 4 1/2 hours of sleep in my new bed!) and headed to the Jacksonville airport. I got some reading (Christine Cain=stellar author) done, enjoyed my awesome new iPod (5th generation pink Nano=thanks padre!, had soup in a bread bowl at Atlanta Bread Co. during my layover, read some more, and by 1pm I was in Lynchburg. Lindsay and I did some shopping, ate amazing Chick-Fil-A,and saw The Blind Side (highly recommend it). Then Linz dropped me off and I got to see my adorable niece. Awesome day-time for bed, right? Uhm...apparently not....

See tomorrow is our family Christmas so logically it was time for my sister to go Christmas shopping. Clearly the fact that Christmas was actually 5/6 days ago, completely managed to escape her. (We may look alike, but....) So yes, we headed out to shop...and of course Walmart is the only store open in the middle of the night.

So we started on our adventure...aAfter taking pictures for youth group scavenger hunt kids, searching relentlessly (and eventually successfully) for socks with "grippies" for the madre, and staring at way too many candles and diffusers for...EVERYONE, and over 2 hours of general middle-of-the-night-Walmart-fun, I was exhausted.

So exhausted, in fact, that I couldn't find turkey bags and had to ask a man for help. When he pointed to his ear and shook his head, I almost forgot I knew sign language and was almost as surprised as he was when I asked again in ASL.

To add to the comedy, as we were looking at books for my brother and sister-in-law, Jeremy called to ask if my mom would like a Nicholas Sparks book (keep in mind it's about 1am)...apparently, he too was Christmas shopping at his neighborhood Walmart in West Virginia to prepare for his trip down tomorrow/today.

As we were leaving some crazy old man started telling us jokes, but I was so delirious that I was almost in tears laughing before he got to the punch line. I tried to control myself, but the task quickly proved impossible. The man then took my laughter as encouragement and mistakenly assumed I thought he was funny. This lead to many more jokes. (something about the dead sea being sick and a 400 hundred year old man...oy) We were finally able to escape and head to Jes' house.

Since there was ice on the car and windshield, it should have been no surprise that her driveway was completely frozen. Yet it still caught me completely off guard...and I almost wiped out. We wrapped a few presents and now I'm off to bed.

Pretty sure, I've been up for almost 24 hours and I was in Florida this morning! Wow....what a night!

Fractal: In Honor of Defying Gravity

2009-09-14T16:29:00.001-07:00

I have to admit that I mostly watched this strange "Grey's Anatomy in Space", because its title caught my attention. Apparently it premiered at the beginning of August...but I never had a chance to watch it until last night. I was admittedly saddened that there were no references to the song with which it shares its name. (Not that I really thought there would be...I just love Wicked...so it would have been nice!) :)

Anyway...back to the point of this post. It was announced today that Defying Gravity has been canceled! I would say that I don't care, since the show was pretty much a lame soap opera that occurs in space....except I loved the very end of last night's episode!

I tried (unsuccessfully) to locate a video clip,and my explanation would never do it justice. So I'll just say that the astronauts found BETA. And though we (the viewers) are not allowed the full vantage point of the astronauts, we are permitted a small glimpse. This snapshot reveals a beautiful fractal tomato garden with whale-like musical calls. (See...my explanation is definitely not doing it justice...you're going to have to trust me...it really was beautiful!)

Anyway...it reminded me of an essay I wrote several years ago (and I do mean several! I was an undergrad at the time!) in response to the following quote:

“The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science.” – Albert Einstein, Living Philosophies, 1931

I decided to post it here as motivation to start blogging again. I really wanted to edit it, because it's slightly long and the perfectionist in me doesn't like to "publish" anything that isn't finished! But I decided to post it in it's original state.

So if you haven't lost interest yet and feel you can forgive the amateur writing and lack of focus, feel free to read on...

Albert Einstein is a wonderfully insightful man and I admire all that he accomplished in his lifetime. Though he was a brilliant man who strove to discover so much, he also understood that mystery is a beautiful thing.

I love learning anything, especially pertaining to math, science, and art. Though many see those three as separate entities, I am drawn to them because of their connections and dependency upon one another. To study any of them without the others would be an injustice to each subject. As I see them intertwining throughout the world in dance, sports, medicine, machinery, and countless other examples, perhaps the most beautiful, interesting, and inexplicable exists in nature.

While fractal geometry can explain so much from the design of an amusement park ride to the shape of a simple maple leaf, those who have no knowledge of these algorithms are able to enjoy the created and natural world just the same. I love that we have computers that can repeat an equation so many times that we can see shapes and patterns emerge, but I know that an equation can never explain the beauty and mystery of nature. “Clouds are not spheres, mountains are not cones, coastlines are not circles, and bark is not smooth, nor does lightning travel in a straight line.” (The Fractal Geometry of Nature, 1982)

Newton believed that the entire future could be predicted through his laws and yet the chaos theory shows why that is not true. Small changes in any complicated system will have great effects. Yet, we see the same general patterns again and again, never repeating themselves exactly. The unpredictable and predetermined together unfold to make our world what it is.

Each day we are making new discoveries and it is wonderful. I am thankful that we no longer believe that the flu is caused by the influence of the stars or that the earth is flat, and I wonder what it is we will discover in my lifetime. And yet I feel that knowledge is a dangerous thing as it ruins the simple pleasure of life.

Life’s delight is not in the single moments of discovery but the journey as a whole. Each moment of life is a small mystery. Will it stop raining soon? Will I go to graduate school next year? Will I live to be a hundred? Though many of our questions we can answer with some confidence, we also know that there is always an element of uncertainty. Life does not follow our plans, and thus our plans are changed to follow life.

Just the same, Science is full of theories and laws that are ever-changing in a world of discovery. We often find that the things we thought or believed to be true are in fact not the case. Will we ever discover it all? Certainly, not. As we answer one question we are faced with hundreds more.

Science is the study of mystery and art the expression of it.

As an artist conveys his message, he is articulating his own inquiries of life. He communicates his journey and discoveries through each choice of color or placement as he creates a masterpiece in any media. And yet as each person views a play, listens to a melody, or gazes at a photograph he sees the same general piece, but never exactly the same.

Einstein’s thoughts have been echoed on more than one occasion in the 75 years since he wrote Living Philosophies, by persons of all backgrounds, education, and walks of life. I think it is best articulated in the words of the character Septimus in Tom Stoppard’s Arcadia when he states, “When we have found all the mysteries and lost all the meaning we will be alone, on an empty shore.”

The enjoyment of life is not in the pursuit of the mysterious, but in the mystery itself.

It's a Girl!!!!!!!!! :)

2009-06-26T05:16:00.001-07:00

Meet Raelynn Rebekah

She surprised us all by arriving a month early! She made her entrance at 1:58pm on June 25th weighing in at 4lbs 9oz. Momma and baby are doing well and I'm a very proud sister and aunt.

Off to spoil a tiny baby! :)

Under Construction

2009-06-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

My house got behind schedule during the recent rain in Florida. It's quite difficult to do electrical and plumbing work during torrential downpours. But after airing things out, replacing all the doors, and working through the weekends, they are back on track! :)

I had my pre-drywall walkthrough today. Very Fun. You can actually tell it's going to be a house now! :) And it should be done in 60 days! With the aid of a few pictures and your imagination, I am taking you on a tour of my townhouse!

After entering through the garage or front door you will find yourself in an entryway leading to my kitchen/dining/living room. What you see here is my flooring (left) and kitchen cabinets and counters.

As you walk upstairs you will see the loft and bedrooms (2) painted and carpeted in beige. Boring but neutral and ready for lots of fun decorating! (But I can't reveal all of my secrets!)

I have 2 and a half bathrooms. From left to right: counters, cabinets, paint.

And for a sneak peak at one room of decorations....my bedroom will be decorated in these colors to make me feel like I'm at the beach all the time! :)

A path already written, but not yet uncovered.

2009-05-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a bad blogger, I truly do apologize. :) But my life is boring! Consequently, I can't ever think of anything to say! :) (Pretty much I just keep a blog, so that I have a place to keep track of all of your blogs!)

So since there's not much to say about my life right now (or at least nothing I want to share with the world wide web), I'll start by sharing another lesson God has been reminding me through a song.

Disclaimers: To those of you who think it's boring when I blog about God and my faith: You should listen to the song anyway, it's a really good rock group and you might like it! To those of you who think I use Christian music too much to make my point: I promise I also read books, including my bible, and go to church...I just really like music!) :)

Anyway...the lyrics of this song remind me that sometimes life requires a second glanse and a new perspective to see the beauty in all that surrounds us. The new day isn't always what we were expecting, but sometimes it's even more beautiful.

I'm gonna sing this song
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you're like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning 'round
For yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
But it's a new day, oh baby, it's a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it's a new day, oh baby, it's a new day

I'm a pilgrim soul
I've traveled far and come back home
This land is hard and cold
For those who long to love
And I know it might seem
That the world is crumbling
But it's me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 am
And we're still alive

It's the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
It's the springtime saying I'm back again
The clouds that roll by
Crossing moonlight
Me and you love - everything's alright
Standing in the rain with nowhere to go
Laughing and we're spinning and I hope that you
Remember this day
For the rest of your life
Me and you love - everything's gonna be alright

And it just might be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
It's a new day
Oh baby, it's a new day
If you look outside
To see a beautiful sunrise
It's a new day

Joyce Meyer always says, "I used to pray for God to bless my plan". I must admit that I was and sometimes still am very guilty of this prayer. I always have my idea of how I think my life should go and how and when things should happen, but I've learned that God's plan is even better. So I'm striving for my prayer to be, "God reveal your plan for my life to me in your perfect timing. Help me to trust You to guide my steps."

This song by According to John has often been a part of my devotions during the last decade, showing up most often in decision-making times. I'd love to share the song, because it's really beautiful...but I can't find it. The lyrics will have to suffice.

All I’ve got
All I am
All my dreams and
All my plans
I’m holding back
I’m holding nothing back from you

I surrender it all
I lay it before you
For all of my days
I’ll give you the glory
You caused me to see
My heart is divided
Lord, take all of me
‘Cause I have decided
Yeah

CHORUS

All I’ve got
All I am
All my dreams and
All my plans
I’m holding back
I’m holding nothing back from you
Whatever it takes
I trust you completely
I’m here in your hands
If you need to break me

CHORUS

All I’ve got
All I am
All my dreams and
All my plans
I’m holding back
I’m holding nothing back from you
All I’ve got
All I am
All my dreams and
All my plans
I’m holding back
I’m holding nothing back from you
Hey, nothing back
Nothing back from you

Tell Me You Remember This!

2009-05-03T19:23:00.001-07:00

Okay...so at my church small group we do an ice breaker each week. A few weeks ago, the question was "If you could be any super hero, who would you be?". I, of course, said She-Ra!

No one at the group knew who I was talking about! Please tell me that I'm not crazy, and that all girls that grew up in the 80's wanted to be She-Ra, Princess of Power! I mean come on she was He-Man's twin sister! That alone makes her cool. Anyway...if you're still with me on this here's some other things you may recall.

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:

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You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton

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If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

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You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE

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Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy

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You wanted to be a Goonie

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You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"

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Two words: Hammer Pants

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You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf

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You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)

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It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

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L.A. Gear....need I say more?

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You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets

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You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it

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You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"

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You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)

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You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen.. and still know the turtles names

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You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard

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You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot

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Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)

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You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted

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You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence

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You remember Hypercolor t-shirts

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You remember "Where's the Beef?"

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You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man were amazing!

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You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

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You watched the Pound Puppies

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You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own

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You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls

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You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds

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After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

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You remember Popples

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You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

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Don't worry, be happy

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You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that

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You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac

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You had big hair and you knew how to use it

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You remember watching both Gremlins movies

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You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"

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You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class

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Gummy Bears were not just candies

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You remember when mullets were cool!

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You had a mullet!

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You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

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You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales

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You wore (or knew someone who wore) a ponytail on the side of your head

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You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous)

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You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement

The Motions

2009-04-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

This is another song that God has really used to speak to me lately. Sometimes I feel we are too guilty of doing good things, but for the wrong reasons. We get caught up in the day to day and forget what's important. It's hard in the business of life to keep our passion. It took a possibly life altering surgery for Matthew West to write this song. I hope that as I am making some transitions in my life this year that I will continue to examine my life and not wait for the huge moments to make me change my focus.

My New Favorite Song

2009-04-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much in love with this song...I was struggling with things before break and heard this on my way to South Carolina. Music always speaks to my heart with a clarity that can't be replicated through other mediums.

Oh and did I mention that I went to college with Meredith Andrews. I always knew she'd make it big. I need to buy her CD so I can listen to all of her songs!

Spring Break!

2009-04-19T16:19:00.000-07:00

Can I just say that this title and picture seem to be a bit of an oxymoron! I mean really, isn't Easter when we put away our winter clothes? Apparently, I left Florida...to visit winter! But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

First of all, let me say...I know I'm a terrible blogger! I stopped blogging cause I was getting busy. First I had house buying stuff and my dad and mom visited. Then I started getting involved in my church and playing tennis. And then I had a rough month or so with school and some personal relationships....and then I had eye surgery and couldn't see! And somewhere in there my friend Steph came to visit again. Oh and I did a ton of races (a 10K, a 15K, 2 1/2 marathons, and 3 5Ks in 3 months!)

But I'm going to try to start posting again. So I thought I'd start with break! (And let me just tell you...I've never been so excited for a week off in my life!)

As soon as school was done (Friday March 20th) I rushed home to finish packing and cleaning and hit the road for Charleston. My friends Rachel and Stephanie met me at my Dad's townhouse and we ran in the Cooper River Run. Way fun...definite plans for an annual event! Though at one point I thought I would surely sustain a concussion from the fruit that was being thrown at the runners. (After the race...apparently it's difficult for 40,000 runners to move efficiently through lines to get food so the volunteers just started lobbing apples, oranges, and bananas at the crowds!)

I was exhausted from a crazy week, a long drive, and a very late arrival...so it wasn't my best run...but Steph and I stuck together and she got me through a very long 6.2 miles in just a little over an hour. Then we hung out in Charleston. It was my first time and I loved the open market. We even got interveiwed by the local station and Steph was on the 6 o'clock news.

It was great to see my dad and Kathy (his fiancee) and my uncle. My dad took us out for some awesome seafood at a local place and we slept in on Sunday! What a great weekend!

Then I headed to Tennessee where I spent my time visiting my former students, hanging out with friends, having eye surgery, and watching a lot of movies! On Saturday Rachel, Steph, and I drove up to Mt. Rogers, VA and saw Jes, Ben, and "Little Mel". (That's what I call Jes' baby; she refers to him as "Leroy")

Anyway...we did some very low key hiking and got to pet the wild horses. (There is a possibility that we also fed them...but don't tell any park rangers!) It was so cool! I want to go back one day when it's not as cold! (I didn't pack appropriate attire...luckily my sister had an extra sweatshirt of mine and I always keep a jacket in my car...but it was FREEZING!)

After spending a week in Tennessee, I got my bandage contact lens off on Easter Monday. Then I spend 10 hourse driving through the rain, trying to get used to my eyelid touching my eye again.

I still can't see very well and decided to sit out the next session of Tennis. But I'm hoping that by the summer, I'll be able to see clearly. If not, I guess I'll get a contact! :) And life will move on.

Lot's of you have been asking about my house. They got behind because of the weather but will be pouring the foundation on Tuesday. I'll post more on all of my decorating plans soon. (I promise!)

"Everybody's Doing It" (aka-25 Things)

2009-01-30T18:33:00.000-08:00

1) I hate memes. I never do them. Of course that can't be entirely true because I'm doing this one.
2) I'm a terrible swimmer, but somehow I passed the lifeguarding test and got a job lifeguarding. If this scares you-it should. It scares me!
3) When I was in middle school I was sent to the principals office for calling my friend a B---- during gym class. (In my defense she tripped me!...Also we are still friends)
4) My first job was in Southpark Mall working at Pretzel Time and The Country's Best Yogurt (aka-TCBY). I still can't eat pretzels (do you know how much butter those places use...well I do!)...but I have no problems with ice cream!
5) Occasionally my boss (at Pretzel Time) would need someone to work at the kiosk he owned in the same mall. This kiosk sold Metabolife. There is a small possibility that I told customers that I took it and "it really worked" just to make sales. (What...we got a $2 commission on each a bottle! I can't help it if people are gullable and desperate after Christmas!)
6) When I was growing up, I collected clowns. Who does that!? I have over 100. They are in storage in Ft. Lee VA. I'm hoping that I can sell them on eBay whenever my parents get our things out of storage. I'm hoping there are other strange people who collect clowns!
7) I just tried to count the number of speeding tickets I've gotten in my life. I got to 9 and lost count.
8) Now that you know number 7, you should be quite frightened to know that I once held a license to drive an ambulance.
9) I now feel as though I should explain number 8. When I was 16-17 years old I was in an EMT program through my highschool. As part of our course we were trained and received certifications in First Aid, CPR, EMT, Hazardous Materials, something I can't remember, and Emergency Vehicle Operations. I had to drive an ambulance through lots of cone obstacles. One of these being backing the ambulance up through a serpentine. (Reminder: the rear view mirror of a bus looks at the patient!) Somehow I passed the test, but they had to wait until I was 18 (more than 6 months after my test) to actually give me my license. (so it came in the mail) Also noteworthy, there was no actual road portion to this test.
10) I've done a few (ahem) pageants in my life. I've only won one, and I can't even remember the name of it. All I know is that my mom said my imaginary friend's name was Miss America (I was 3...cut me some slack).
11) At Miss Preteen VA, I stood on the stage for nearly 5 minutes of dead silence as they tried to get my tape to cue. I finally had to be excused while the next person went. I was so nervous when I finally got to go that I forgot my dance and made one up on the spot. I think that was the start of my choreography career.
12) In the 4th grade I ran for SCA secretary. When I got on stage I froze and couldn't read my speech. To this day I have a dreadful fear of public speaking.
13) Somehow last year my coworkers convinced me to overcome this fear to speak in front of 450 people. I did it...but I doubt it'll ever happen again.
14) I love to sing, but I've always been afraid that I wasn't any good, so I rarely sing in front of people. Though I would love to be a country music singer turned contemporary christian artist.
15) I had a slight moment of confidence my senior year of high school for a strange 3 months. First, I sang the national anthem with my sister at a basketball game. And then sang "There is a Candle" with her at baccalaureate. Oh the things she can convince me to do. A month after graduation I sang "On My Knees" in Spanish on a mission trip. I've since gone back into hiding where my voice belongs.
16) If I could do anything in life, I'd be on broadway. Singing, dancing, and acting. Ah, to be a triple threat. (Jack of all trades, master of none...the curse)
17) I'm going to have my 7th eye surgery in April.
18) When I was growing up I hated having a lazy eye. I tried to paint my stupid pirate patch in art class. (Splatter paint-cause the 80s rocked). I lied to my mom and told her it was an accident. (Sadly, she probably believed me)
18) I give lots of reasons for not drinking alcohol. But the one that is probably the one that actually makes me obstain, I rarely say. Truth be told, drinking makes me cross-eyed. I've spent my life trying to keep people from noticing or commenting, (the mean kids in French III called me magic eye). It's why I don't make eye contact when I'm tired.
19) In high school I used to leave school to go to Chick Fil A for lunch...but then we bumped into my superintendent in the mall. Oops. (PS-the same principal from middle school was now at the high school. After he got a phone call, he decided to make the door by my locker his stake out spot everyday after fourth period....oh how I missed Chick Fil A)
20) In sixth grade I was writing a play and used the word "B------". I had no idea it was a bad word. Oops. At least my teacher believed me and I didn't end up in the principal's office.
21) My first apartment was $425/month...but we really wanted the washer and dryer so we splurged for the $460/month. We didn't know until we moved in that you had to pull this washing machine into the middle of the tiny kitchen (blocking access to your entire kitchen) to hook it up to the sink in order to actually wash clothes.
22) We also later found out that having dishes in the sink during this process causes ones sink to overflow onto the floor. (We found this out twice) We also discovered that using ones microwave while washing or drying clothes causes a fuse to blow. (We also found this out twice...or more)
23) A man broke into my second apartment. The only thing he stole was porn. (That sounds like we had some...but he just used our direct TV). We got rid of the chair.
24) I ran track in high school. I tried really hard and even ran on the weekends at home...but I came in last every time. The only exception to this was when I passed a girl from Prince George. As soon as this happened, she hurled on my shoes...but she kept on running...so I was second to last.
25) When I was young, I hated the beach. I didn't like sand, getting dirty, salt water, or waves. Now it's one of my favorite places.

Let's Face It...I"m No Maria Sharapova

2009-01-29T17:50:00.001-08:00

I signed up for tennis lessons and I had my first one tonight! Let's just say my 10th grade gym teacher was not very successful in that unit of Physical Education. Though I distinctly remember playing in class, I can't remember her name or anything she taught me. And let me just tell you, I'm not a natural!

I might be athletic, but a girl who has no hand-eye coordination and has broken her elbow should probably not attempt this sport! I'm not expecting this to be a life-changing experience...I'm not even expecting to be good...but I am hoping that in 8 weeks, I will be able to play a game of tennis.

Tonight we learned how to grip the racket and hit the ball with a fronthand and backhand swing. There is so much to remember! I can't imagine it ever just feeling natural! But it was fun and hopefully in a few months I'll be able to play even if I'm still terrible! :)

Guess what I did on my birthday?!?

2009-01-25T08:35:00.000-08:00

*I'll give you a hint...I got to write "Jennifer R Kilpatrick, 1/21/09" just a few times. (And by "a few" I mean my hand almost fell off!)

Because I haven't posted in forever...

2008-12-18T16:00:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while...Things have been crazy. But a good crazy. November was a really tough month for me, but I'm doing much better. It's been a learning time. I'm so thankful for those of you who have helped me through it...especially my VA friends that I got to see over Thanksgiving. You guys rock! Anyway, there's just way too much to post about. I promise I'll post for real soon, but for today I'm going to do Holly's Lists of 8's instead! :) And then it's back to cleaning, laundry, baking, packing, and wrapping Christmas gifts! :) I fly home in 2 days! :)

Eight Things About Me

8 t.v. shows I watch:
1. ER
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Biggest Loser
5. Privileged
6. Law & Order SVU
7. Ugly Betty
8. Army Wives

8 restaurants that I love:
1. Uno's (Chocolate Chip Cookie Sundae)
2. TGIFriday's (Spinach Dip)
3. Outback (Chicken on the Barbie)
4. Texas Roadhouse (Bread!)
5. O'Charley's (Potatoe Soup & Rolls)
6. Panera Bread (Soup in a Bread Bowl)
7. Chick-Fil-A (Chicken Biscuit for Breakfast!)
8. Calhouns on the River (I just love sitting outside on the river in Knoxville!)

8 Things I did today:
1. Took the kitties to a friends to stay for the next 18 days! :(
2. Taught Reading to 8th Graders
3. Made Christmas Ornaments with 7th Graders
4. Analyzed a student's test results
5. Went to our staff luncheon (yum, I brought spinach dip and cookies!)
6. E-mailed a million times
7. Paid a ton of money to the cleaning lady and steam cleaner man (but atleast my friends' house is cat hair free for their Christmas visit)
8. Went running (but I have a bruised ankle, so it was short)

8 Things I Look Forward to:
1. Christmas at home with my grandma
2. Seeing Mary while I'm home
3. Reading books during break
4. New Year's with the fam in Disney
5. Walt Disney World Half and Cirque de Soleil! (Jan. 10th!)
6. Buying a house in the spring
7. Something I can't say yet! :)
8. Having a family one day

8 Things I am Wishing for:
1. to see SNOW for Christmas(haha...what, it's a wish!?)
2. to have a genuine love for my job
3. to find a church home
4. to be able to run the entire half and be proud of my time
5. to be able to keep me job and buy a house
6. to find "Mr. Right"
7. to be a mom one day
8. to go to Africa

8 People I'm tagging to do this:
1. Tiff (If she isn't in labor yet!) :)
2. Olivia
3. Sam
4. Erin
5. Kathie
6. Mary
7. Ashley
8. Emily

Breaking News in Northeast Florida

2008-11-18T13:43:00.000-08:00

The following is tonight's weather report. I'm not making it up...

WIND CHILL ADVISORY IN EFFECT FROM 3 AM TO 9 AM EST
WEDNESDAY.

THE NATL WEATHER SVC IN JAX HAS ISSUED A WIND
CHILL ADVISORY.WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM 3 AM TO 9 AM EST
WEDNESDAY.

STRONG HIGH PRESSURE BUILDING INTO THE AREA IS BRINGING VERY COLD
AIR TO THE REGION. IN ADDITION NW WINDS WILL REMAIN AT 10
TO 15 MPH OVERNIGHT. THIS WILL RESULT IN WIND CHILL TEMPS
FALLING TO AROUND 25 DEGREES LATE TONIGHT.ESPECIALLY ALONG THE
BEACHES & ST. JOHNS RIVER WHERE WINDS WILL BE STRONGEST.

A WIND CHILL ADVISORY IS ISSUED FOR NE FL WHEN WIND
SPEEDS ARE AT OR ABOVE 10 MPH & WIND CHILLS ARE BELOW 25 DEGREES
FOR FOUR OR MORE HRS.

LOW WIND CHILLS WILL RESULT IN FROST BITE & LEAD TO HYPOTHERMIA
IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN. IF YOU MUST VENTURE OUTDOORS.MAKE
SURE YOU WEAR A HAT & GLOVES.

Hypothermia in Florida. Isn't that statement a bit of an oxymoron? Joking aside, it is uncharacteristically cold today. I'm not looking forward to my run. But I might get to turn my heat on tonight! :)

(I'm frugile, so I have this deal with myself that I won't turn it on until it gets below 60 in the house. For the record, my thermostat loves to hover at 61.) :)

I hope you are all staying warm up in "the north"! :) (Sam feel free to read that last statement without quotation marks, since you are my only reader who truly lives in The North.) :)

Lose That Double Chin

2008-11-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

Now that I am starting to get back in shape I really would like to start getting my muscles back. I was searching for arm toning exercizes, because that's the area I want to work on the most.

During my search, I found exercizes for your chin! Who knew these existed!? I have posted them below should anyone be interested in toning their chin or being entertained by the idea of doing so.

*Put your head on your chest and then slowly raise straight back until you can't tilt it anymore. You should have your mouth closed, and you should feel the muscles in your neck pulling. Hold this position for the count of ten, relax, and resume a more natural position. Do this exercise at least twice a day.

*Open your mouth as far as possible and stick your tongue out. Hold that position for a count of ten and then relax. Do this exercise up to ten times per day. While it may look silly, and you may feel silly, it really helps to strengthen your platysma muscle.

*Tilt your head backwards as far as possible. Now hold that position and open and close your mouth. You should feel the muscles in your neck stretching. Do this twice per day.

*Stand with your head in a comfortable position. Now try and bring your lower lip upwards as far as you can. Do this exercise twice daily.

(Do people really do these?)

The Real Me

2008-11-13T16:13:00.000-08:00

Natalie Grant is without a doubt one of my favorite singers. She has a beautiful voice and writes many of her own songs, including this one. This song is like a page out of my journal (not that I have been writing in a journal lately...but I should be). I love how transparent she is in sharing her song (and struggles) with the world. It helps me know I'm not the "only one".

I've been really struggling this week and I came to this song once again. I have this tendency to be a perfectionist. Not that I am perfect, I just try to pretend that everything is wonderful and I have it all together. It's like when someone asks "How are you?" and we automatically say "I'm good, how are you?" But we aren't always good. Well, people keep asking me, "How's FL, How's your job?" And I keep saying, "It's good...I'm slowly settling in."

Well I guess this week I came to the realization that it's not good and I'm not settling in. I'm lonely in my big house. Most days, I don't like my job. I don't have friends or family in FL. I'm not really connecting with the church I've been going to. I just feel like I don't have a purpose in life right now. I got through the last 2 years by telling myself it would all be worth it when I was teaching again. And now, all I want to do is go back to my days teaching at Central Elementary in VA. But I have to stop spending my days living in the future or the past. I have to accept the present. And I know God has me in FL for a reason...I just don't know what that is yet.

I'm not spilling my guts for your sympathies. I've just decided that it's ok for it not to be great. I'm struggling right now, but God already knows. I have to be honest about that with myself (and my friends) or it won't change. Hiding behind a smile won't make it all magically better. But being truthful to myself and learning to rely on God and not my circumstances will help me start in the right direction.

So here it is: The Real Me.

10 Years Later

2008-11-09T13:12:00.000-08:00

Ten years ago someone very close to me went to be with the Lord. Joe was a young man who loved God, people, and life. He was so vibrant, joyful, and kind. He was the kind of person everyone wanted to be and be around. In the short time that he was a part of my life, he made a huge impact. When he died it ripped my world apart. Why would God let a 19 year old die in a car accident? How could he have fallen asleep so close to home? Suddenly nothing made sense.

Ten years later, I (almost) understand. I look around and see the people whose lives he changed, and I begin to see reason. His impact on my life is obvious. As a deaf person himself, he was the first to introduce me to sign language and deaf culture. Now I spend my days working with deaf children. It's something I never could have imagined ten years ago. But his influence on my life doesn't end there. His life (and death) have truly made me who I am today.

I've stopped asking why it had to happen, because I look around and know. I've stopped wondering how things would be different if he were alive, and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today.

I often say that my goal in life is to impact one person. I don't know if that was Joe's goal, but if it was he was successful.

Though a few weeks ago marked 10 years since his death, there is never a time when he is far from my thoughts. I wrote this poem in rememberance of his life and the impact it had on mine.

10 Years Later:
I remember... ...And you live on

I remember
A Saturday
Homework on a bus
Someone asks me for paper
It was you
And you live on

I remember
A new friend
Writing me notes
And teaching me sign language
It was you
And you live on

I remember
Sunday afternoons
Picnics in my backyard
Riding in your truck
Your friendship
And you live on

I remember
A youth trip
Rollercoaster rides
Enjoying a lazer show
Your laughter
And you live on

I remember
A parking lot
Walking to my car
Someone calls my name
It was you
And you live on

I remember
A Wednesday night
A revival service
A seemingly ordinary goodbye
Your (long) hug
And you live on

I remember
A Thursday night
News that changes my life
Praying I have misunderstood
My tears flow
And you live on

I remember
Many Years
Aware that you are gone
Knowing someone in heaven is watching
It is you
And you live on

I remember
My journey
A path with twists and turns
Someone who touched my life
It was you
And you live on

I am who I am
Because of you
And you live on

I thank you
For changing my life
And you live on

I don't ask why
I don't say goodbye

I remember
And you live on

I remember
And you live on

Can I get a Napkin, Please?

2008-11-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

I love this, it makes me laugh every time. I needed to smile today, and I thought I'd post this in case anyone else needed laugh therapy.

Hilarious Regardless of Affiliation

2008-11-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: This chicken question will have to be reconfigured into a caribou or a moose

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure, right from Day One, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me...

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER' side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER (CNN): We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

Pray for my Baby (Please)

2008-11-03T19:55:00.000-08:00

Max is sick again (I think). I don't have the time to go into the details, but if you are reading this please pray. He's my baby and something isn't right.

He's going to the vet in the morning. Please pray that he's okay and that it's not too expensive.

Tuesday Night Update: They gave him an IV and his fever came down. They tested him for FIV (like HIV only in cats). But praise God it was negative. So for now we don't know why he's sick. He's been laying on the couch since we got home, but atleast he's not hiding. I have to take him back tomorrow. Hopefully his fever will have stayed down. If not, we'll go from there. They are suspecting some of the symptoms could be a latent reaction to a drug he was on, but that wouldn't explain the fever. So hopefully it's just a freak thing and he'll be back to normal soon. Poor little (seriously he only weighed 7.5 lbs today...that's a little cat) guy.

Wednesday Night Update: No more throwing up, his eyes look better, and his fever is staying down. Hopefully that means we're in the clear. He's still being somewhat cranky, but he's eating and moving around. So hopefully he was just fighting something off and he'll be back to new by tomorrow. I am so overprotective, it's going to be crazy when I have human children. :)

Thanks for the prayers. Max and I truly appreciate them.

A Milestone in My Running Journey

2008-11-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

I've never been a good runner. I joined the track team once in high school. I ran the 1600 (the mile) in meets, and I'm pretty sure I came in last at every race. Okay that's not true, because I do distinctly remember a race where I passed a girl. Of course, I probably remember this because she puked on my shoes shortly thereafter. Anyway, I finished the season and stuck to cheerleading and dance after that.

It's not like I'm absolutely terrible at running. In fact, I was often the first to finish in PE classes, I'm just not competition material. Anyway, I always jogged off and on to try to stay "in shape" through high school and occasionally in college. It was never that difficult for me, because I was a dancer so I was never really "out of shape". But the most I ever ran was 3 miles and that was a rare occurrence.

When I started teaching I decided to do a triathlon with some friends. Not sure what possessed me to embark on the this adventure, but I trained hard core for several months. I lost most of the college weight I had gained and got back some of my muscle that I hadn't seen since my tumbling and dancing days. I was ridiculously dedicated. I worked out every day. Often twice a day. I did yoga, cardio and spin classes, swam, ran, and biked. Oh and did I mention I was also teaching dance classes 4 days a week at this time. After 3 months I did the race and absolutely loved it. I remember how excited I was afterwards and how I was already setting goals for the next year.

But the next year never came. I stopped teaching dance and started coaching cheerleading. And coaching sort of took over my life for the next 2 years. I did run off and on and did some (short) races. And I took a dance class. After I finished coaching cheerleading I decided to try to get back "in shape" again. So in 2006 I did a 10K, 10 miler, and a half marathon. It was awesome.but then I had a hip injury. As soon as it healed, I was in a car accident and hurt my neck/back. Between the back pain and the business of grad school, exercise dropped to the bottom of my list of priorities.

Now that I'm done with grad school I have made a newfound commitment to getting "in shape" again. I couldn't find any dance classes here, but I've started running. There have been many times in my life that I have claimed to be "out of shape". People always freak out when I make this claim. I find myself defending this statement and explaining that being thin and being "in shape" are two very different things. What can I say I'm blessed with good genes and I'm not a food person (minus ice cream...i love ice cream).

But this is truly the first time in my life that I have been "out of shape". I didn't know that before; I always thought I was at different times, but when you can go out and run 2 miles after not exercising for a few months you are not "out of shape". I guess I just took it all for granted. Being a dancer I never understood how "in shape" I was. I was so fit cardiovascularly and I was flexible. So it was nothing for me to go out and run, but now it's so different.

Seven weeks ago, I tried to start running and "out of shape" quickly had a new meaning. Running was kicking my butt! I got winded quickly and my whole body hurt. But I've signed up for the Walt Disney World Half Marathon in January and I wasn't going to give up. So I kept it up. The first several weeks I hated every moment. I kept asking myself "When and why did I ever enjoy this?". But then I started having good runs between the bad ones. Slowly the good runs became more of the norm. And today I finally hit a milestone.

I ran 5 miles (actually a little more, I think)! Let me clarify that when I say run I mean jog. In high school I ran 7 minute miles. In college I ran 8 minute miles. Before grad school I ran 9 minute miles. I now run 10-11 minute miles. I've decided that's not really running. It's jogging. But whatever.

I jammed out with the Beatles on my Ipod and ran in the misty rain for nearly an hour. A perfect Sunday evening; I feel so accomplished. And although I questioned why I was pushing myself to do something I was hating, the past 7 weeks suddenly feel worth it. I have 10 weeks until I run 13.1 miles in the most magical place on earth, but I think I'll be ready. :)

Halloween Celebration of Sorts

2008-10-31T17:50:00.000-07:00

Now that I am not working as a "mom", Halloween is quite different. No trick or treating, costumes, pumpkin carving, or fall festivals with kids. So today seemed much like any other. I wore a teacheresque large pumpkin necklace with a black shirt in efforts to "celebrate Halloween"and went about my day like a normal Friday school day.

By now you are well aware of the "palm tree story", but I really hadn't told many people at work. My eye was only slightly purple and with makeup it may have passed as a sleep deprived circle for yesterday and much of today. I'm assuming it wasn't too noticable, because no one had really inquired about it, but suddenly at the end of the day today several teachers asked, "What happened to your eye!?" At first I thought it was a blunt deaf thing and that maybe other teachers hadn't asked because they were trying to be polite. But after several inquiries, I thought it must be more noticable now. As soon as I got back from walking the kids to the bus I took a pit stop at the mirror and saw this:

Uh, apparently it's more noticeable! So I stole my friend Emily's idea for a Halloween costume.

Any guesses? I should hold a contest, but only like 5 of you read this. So I'll just tell you. I'm a black-eyed pea! Get it? :) (Yeh, I know I'm a nerd.) I figured if makeup isn't going to cover it I'll embrace it before I come face to face with all of my neighbors and their children! :)

Anyway, after work I picked up some candy and headed home to carve my pumpkins and greet trick or treaters. I know it's a little late for pumpkins, but I just hadn't gotten around to it! Steph and I bought them last week, but never carved them. So I figured "better late than never." I think they turned out pretty good considering I didn't use a pattern. I didn't even draw on them first; I just started cutting! :) And I was carving in between answering the door.

What do you think? The pictures aren't great, but you get the idea. One little boy told me he liked the crosses. Aww... :)

So my favorite costume of the night...Thing 1 and 2. They were sooo cute! These little blonde twin girls had on red footed pajamas. Their mom cut out Thing 1 and 2 circles and taped them on their bellies. They were maybe 2 years old. They kept turning around and telling me "Byyyeee". So cute! :)

Now it's raining and the kids have gone to seek shelter, and I'm blogging 'cause there's nothing else for a single girl to do on Halloween. Hope you all had a wonderful time celebrating Halloween in your own way.

Keys and Palm Trees

2008-10-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

Today started out like any other. My alarm went off at 5:40 and I hit snooze and snuggled back under my comforter. Okay so maybe that is a little abnormal, but it was in the 30s last night. That's really cold when you live in FL and don't use heat! Anyway....got up at 6, got ready, walked out the door.

Then my heart skipped a beat, I looked down at my keychain and confirmed my fears. My key (to the house) was not on the ring. (I only have one and though I've told myself to make a copy a hundred times, I never got around to it. And last night after my run, my key apparently did not find it's way back to my keyring.) Crap!

So during the day I called a few locksmiths and met one at the house at 4:30. So yeh, apparently I live in Ft. Knox! It took him an hour to get in the flippin' house! So down an hour and 120 bucks I finally got in the house. After a few phone calls, I headed out for the next adventure: palm trees.

Sure they look beautiful and tropical. But they're not all they're cracked up to be. The ones in my yard have needed a makeover for quite some time. Problema: Jen knows nothing about palm trees or how to prune them. I researched on the internet and bought a pair of special pruning shears. So today I set out on a mission to revamp these trees.

Maybe it was the fall weather inspiring me? Without leaves to rake, I opted for the next best choice: palm tree pruning. So uhm...who knew this chore could be so dangerous? After cutting down about 10 branches a branch fell and hit me square in the face. It hurt, but I was trying to be all tough. (Come on, I was doing yard work, right?) So I moved on to the next branch. Then I felt wetness on my face. Assuming, my eye was watering, I reached up to wipe away tears. Instead a quick glance at my hand revealed lots of blood. Crap! (again)

So I start towards the house when suddenly Nosy Neighbor says, "Whatcha doing over there?" I sorta blew him off and went inside for a rag. I went out and apologized and met his wife, whom I've seen before but never formally met. What a nice introduction. "Hi my name is Jen and I'm a serious klutz." They invited me over for dinner. (Poor girl she has no family and obviously can't take care of herself.) I politely declined, finished my chore, and headed inside.

Now I'm hanging around, watching TV, and icing my eye. The swelling is going down, but it's turning purple. This is going to be so fun to explain tomorrow. Ay de mi. Just one of those days.

Iggy Has a New Home

2008-10-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

I've had my turtle since 2004. I got him during my first year teaching. Mar and I were roomates in this dump of an apartment. Across the hall was this "interesting" guy who had lots of turtles and fish. Mary let it slip one day that her roommate "just loved turtles"...and it was all downhill from there! I was invited over to meet all of his exotic wonders. He had both a salt and fresh water tank. Very cool. Anyway...long story short he got me a red eared slider from North Carolina and helped me set up an aquarium with rocks he got at the park and everything. I named him Iggy and Mary and I had fun with our new creature. He was about the size of a quarter and absolutely adorable.

Since then he's lived in 3 apartments and grown to like 15 times his size. I still love Iggy but he was getting increasingly more difficult to care for. Let's just say that when I got him, I had no idea that one day he would require a 100 gallon tank! My mom has been taking care of him since June. She was just supposed to be keeping him for the summer, but whith my fast move to FL there was really no good way to get him down here. I started looking for a home for him, but I wasn't having any luck. So the plan was to pick him up when I went home for Thanksgiving. But my mom called on Friday.

I was down at Jax Beach and the music was loud so I could hardly hear her when she said, "Would it be okay if Iggy went to a new home tomorrow?" Apparently they found a lady who has a protected pond for her 6 turtles. She was willing to adopt him so they took him to his new home in Chesapeake, Virginia on Saturday. I'm sad that I didn't get to say a real goodbye and I'll miss him. But I'm very glad that he has a better home. I know he'll really be taken care of.

This is when he was about 2 years old and still relatively easy to care for. Isn't he cute!

Bye Iggy, I'll miss you! Mommy loves you! Enjoy your new home. I know you'll love it!

Because I now know how to embed videos...

2008-10-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Liv! :)

My other favorite Nickelback song.

Now if I only had the video of me signing this song. I do believe it's been my favorite song I've ever signed. (And well I do interpret, so that's alot of songs!) :) One of my students told me she cried when I performed it. I was touched, but I didn't really understand why she was moved to tears.

When I asked her why, she said, "Because I just think it's so awesome, your work...that you care enough to work with deaf kids. They are so lucky to have you. You could be doing so many other things with your life, but it's obvious your passion is for your kids. I know you are great with them." That struck me in a strange way.

Before I had thought of "caring" more in terms of the video. I loved the lyrics, but they made me think of these huge global efforts. I guess I thought teaching wasn't grand enough to make a difference or something? I don't know. But her words really made me think. It is the small stuff that makes a difference too. So kudos to all of you out there making a difference no matter how big or small your sacrifice may be. Thank you for caring.

My New Favorite Song

2008-10-25T17:20:00.000-07:00

My friend Steph visited me this week and we had a ton of fun. I got to be a tourist and enjoy FL! We went to the beaches, restaurants, shops, and lighthouse here during the week and took a trip to Daytona today. Pictures and details to come.

But for now...here's one of my new favorite songs. Steph introduced me to it...and I love it. :) Don't think I'm getting all "sad to be single". Cause let me tell you I appreciate it wholeheartedly about 90% of the time. Plus I firmly believe that "everything is in God's timing" and "everything happens for a reason". I just like the lyrics and melody. And what can I say...I'm a girl. I'm a sucker for a love song, story, poem, book... :) And well, Nickelback is such a great band. :) (Love, love, love "If Everyone Cared")

This time I wonder what it feels like

To find the one in this life

The one we all dream of

But dreams just aren’t enough

So I’ll be waiting for the real thing

I’ll know it by the feeling

The moment when we’re meeting

We’ll play out like a scene straight off the silver screen

So I’ll be holdin’ my own breath

Right up to the end

Until that moment when

I find the one that I’ll spend forever with

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Someone to love with my life in their handsT

here’s gotta be somebody for me like that

‘Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they’re not alone

Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere

There’s gotta be somebody for me out there

Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight

And damn it this feels too right

It’s just like Déjà VuMe standin’ here with you

So I’ll be holdin’ my breath

Could this be the end?

Is it that moment when

I find the one that I’ll spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Someone to love with my life in their hands

There´s gotta be somebody for me like that

‘Cause nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they’re not alone

Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?

There’s gotta be somebody for me out there

You can’t give up!

When you’re lookin’ for that diamond in the rough

Because you never know but when it shows up

Make sure you’re holdin’ on

‘Cause it could be the one, the one you’re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there

And everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Someone to love with my life in their hands

There has gotta be somebody for me

Ohhhh…

Nobody wants to go it on their own

And everyone wants to know they’re not alone

Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?

There’s gotta be somebody for me out there

Nobody wants to be the last one there

‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares

Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?

There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

Lucy's Favorite Activities

2008-10-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

1) Climbing.

So last Saturday Max and I were watching TV on the couch. Meanwhile, Lucy, in search for her daily adventure, was climbing the stairs (on the outside of the railing). She made it all the way to the top, then couldn't figure out how to go back down. She tried backing up, but it wasn't working. She she tried to turn around. Of course she slipped. But she held on for dear life with her front paws. (She looked like a little rock climber!) She successfully pulled herself back up and began her descent. At this point I snapped the picture above. A few minutes later she attempted her climb again. She again she reached the top and slipped as she tried to turn around. Only this time she wasn't quite so lucky. She couldn't hold on...and fell 10 feet to the ground! Max, the perfect gentleman, jumped up and ran to her side to make sure she was okay. She is, but she hasn't made a third attempt! :) However, she continues to run up the stairs on the inside of the railing for her daily exercize.

2. Playing with "Toys"

Pretty much everything is a toy to Lucy. Cups, papers, jewelery....anything she can get her hands on. She even dragged a shirt all the way from my closet to the living room. It was on a hanger, but had strings hanging down...so of course, she couldn't resist. So today's toy: Mommy pulled the blinds up. So naturally, the blind pull became a toy that occupied her for atleast an hour. Notice Max totally ignores her and looks out the window the entire time!

3. Watching TV

Seriously, she loves television. It's really weird. She just sits there and watches it. So of course I snapped a picture.

4. Playing with Max

She loves to wrestle, play tag, and chase with Max; it's really cute. And equally annoying when I'm trying to sleep!

5. Cuddling with Max

She loves her big brother. She hardly ever leaves his side. I'm not kidding, when Max goes in the litter box, Lucy sits outside of it waiting. She doesn't really understand the whole privacy idea. They are totally cute together. I love when they cuddle and lick each other. It makes me happy that I got Max a friend.

Mary, are you happy? I didn't write about politics for once. Only 2 more weeks and then I promise I'm done anyway! :)

And Katherine Ann, you should be happy...more Max and Lucy stories. 'Cause really they are the only interesting part of my Florida life...I gotta meet people...or I'm gonna turn into an old cat lady....maybe I'll join eHarmony and attempt to meet a guy! :P But really I'd just settle for a few Christian friends. Do they have a place to meet those? Oh wait, I think that's called church. Gotta find one of those too. :)

Really, Madeleine? You're not a Palin supporter? I'm Shocked!

2008-10-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.americablog.com/2008/10/palin-misquotes-her-starbucks-cup.html

Uh, no. Not really. But I do think this event and prompt response contain several important lessons for us, the voters of America.

What we learn from this:

1) Sarah Palin frequents Starbucks.
(Or maybe not...what exactly is a "mocha"?)
2) Sarah Palin has trouble reading her "mocha" cup.
(Maybe she was nervous...or maybe not.)
3) Madeleine Albright doesn't like jokes.
(Or maybe she doesn't know what one is.)
4) Madeleine Albright is in fact not a supporter of Palin. In fact, she wasn't really talking about Governor Palin on cup jacket.
(Shocking! I'm so glad she cleared this up.)
5) Madeleine Albright takes herself too seriously.
(Cause really I was gonna vote McCain/Palin based on her quote.)

It's almost October...

2008-09-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

...and I went tubing today!

Seriously! I love Florida! What a perfect day!

80 degree weather, friends, the intracoastal, and dolphins...what more could a girl wish for on a Saturday. :)

Pictures can't do it justice. We saw several pods...it was so cool!

I don't think the novelty will ever wear off.

A Mother Knows...

2008-09-26T15:04:00.000-07:00

So on Sunday night, I had this dream that Max, my beautiful 4 year old cat, died! My memory is fuzzy on "how", but I vividly recall holding his (soft, furry,) dead body. I woke up at 4AM and called for him so I could ensure this event had in fact only occurred in my slumbering visions. He came, we cuddled, all was well.

Then on Monday night I start wrapping up my evening around 10:30. As usual, I call for Max to inform him that it's time for bed. Only he doesn't come. I assume he's been accidentally shut in a closet so I start to search for him. I open all the doors I remembered opening, then I open every cabinet and door in the house. No signs of Max. I occasionally hear a jingle (of a collar)and my heart skips a beat until I realize that it's only Lucy. I start to think about when I saw him last...I remembered him cuddling with me and Lucy on the couch after supper, I recalled petting him after cleaning the pool filter thingee, but I didn't remember seeing him after I took out the trash. Oh no! He must be outside. So I send out the search party. (Okay, so really I just went out alone with a flashlight.) I am shining the light in the bushes looking for an signs of movement, when I start to feel raindrops. The drops quickly turn to rain and I start to panic. I walk back inside to perform yet another walk through. Nothing. I call his name and whistle-nothing. So I do the only thing I can think to do....I get in my car and slowly scour the neighborhood, looking for a black cat. I've lost my mind and my neighbors are wondering what I am doing at this point. Aware of Max's disappearance for an hour now, I return home dejected. I enter the house in tears, unsure of what I can do. Logic tells me everything is fine: he has a collar, he is microchipped, lots of cats live outside, there are no wild animals here, rain is just water, someone will find him, someone will call, I can go to bed. My heart tells me something is wrong: Max doesn't go outside, Max comes when he is called, Max is not vaccinated, Max is not a normal cat, Max has anaphalactic allergies, I HAD A DREAM. (I know you think I'm crazy, but lots of my dreams are prophetic.) Anyway...feeling helpless, I walk into my kitchen and see the most beautiful sight in the world. Max is on my kitchen counter. Normally, I would clap my hands loudly and yell at him to get down, instead I picked him up and held him for a few minutes telling him, "Never do that again; Mommy was so scared. Why didn't you come?"

Tuesday he hid from me most of the evening. He got up on a shelf in a corner behind one of my framed pictures. When he got up he knocked over my photograph and I yelled at him. He got down and hid for the rest of the evening. I was feeling frustrated because his personality seemed to be changing. He has always been a momma's boy. He rarely leaves my side and has always been very obedient. Assuming he was mad about Lucy, I just hoped that he would get used to the idea and start cuddling again soon.

Wednesday morning I wake up sad, because it was the 2nd night Max hadn't slept with me. I found him in the closet up on a shelf. He was smacking his mouth a little and I noticed his fur was a bit sticky, but he purred when I pet him, so I shrugged it off assuming he had gotten into something sticky. I told a few friends at work that I just felt like something was wrong. I told them he wasn't being himself. That and the dream were still really worrying me, but you can't take a cat to the vet with these complaints. So I thought "I must be neurotic".

Wednesday afternoon he's being his what has become normal self and hiding. But before I go running at 7:30 I decide to search for him. I find him under my bed COVERED in drool. I put him in the sink to look in his mouth. He won't let me, and he stays there for several hours. I know realize he is not eating, drinking, or using his litter box. After my run, I goggle "cats drooling". This search further supports my speculation that he has an infection in his mouth. I spend the evening petting him and trying to get him to drink water (to no avail). Then fall into a restless sleep.

Thursday morning I get up and get ready very early and wait around until the vet opens. I call them at exactly 7:01 and they say I can bring him at 8. He doesn't even fight me as I put him in the carrier! I get there at 7:45 and leave him in there care while I go to work. The phone calls confirm the diagnosis of oral infection. They start him on an IV and antibiotics and do blood work to search for a cause to this aggressive illness. They put him under to perform surgery. They extracted 4 teeth and found ulcers in his mouth. Poor baby! The veterinarian thinks that he caught calcinivirus from Lucy, and became sick very quickly because of his compromised immune system. I picked him up at the end of the day and he looked pitiful!

He's doing better now, but definitely still getting his strength back. He still has a runny nose and eyes. And he's losing fur above his eyes. And his mouth is oozing. Poor guy. But he is purring...so I know he's feeling better. Plus he's not hiding from me (only Lucy!). :)

But seriously a mother knows. While I'm definitely sad that he is/was sick, I'm very glad that:
1) I'm not crazy (there was something wrong!)
2) His personality isn't changing. He is still my sweet, obedient Maxwell Milton.

Pray for him to get better. Max is my best friend. He's the only ones who has made it through 3 states with me and always been there for me. I know it sounds crazy, but he really is my closest confident. I tell him everything and he always listens. :) I don't know what I'd do if I lost him. So pray. Pray that he can fight this infection and pray that he doesn't get another one. My dream cannot come true.

If you were me....?

2008-09-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

This story starts in June when I went to Jacksonville and ended up interviewing with FSDB. It was the end of several weeks of traveling and my back was killing me. When mom and I got to the airport we found a spa. We had 30 minutes so we both got chair massages. (I have to tell you that I was never a massage person until a french canadian man decided to plow his delivery truck into my car, leaving me with incessant neck and back pain).

Anyway, when we got to our terminal we discovered that our flight was delayed. What else is there to do in a small airport? So we went back for more! When we returned we were informed they had rooms in the back where we could get real massages. Mom was paying, so of course I indulged. And I got one of the best massages I've ever had! The girl's name was Nicole and she was great.

When mom and Doug helped me move down here they flew home and made a visit to the spa on their way out. Mom got Nicole's number because she does in home massages. This was great news for me, because if I'm going to train for this 1/2 marathon I'm going to need to have massage therapy.

So a few weeks ago, I was flying home for the weekend and stopped by the spa. I was happy to see Nicole was there and decided to get a 20 minute chair massage. So I'm sitting there, trying to relax and enjoy this moment. Suddenly, I start to feel like I'm going to puke...I think "this is not going to be a comfortable massage, but I'll be okay"....I'm trying to convince myself this is true, because of course I don't want to tell the lady I suddenly feel as though I will vomit. And I don't even understand why this is happening.

Then I start feeling really hot and realize that I'm not going to be able to make it through the massage...so I sit up and say, "You're not hurting me, but I feel really nauseous all of a sudden." As she's saying, "Are you okay...should I get a trash can?", I realize I can't see. So I say, "I don't know I feel like I might pass out, maybe I should drink some water."

And then without any further warning. I just completely pass out. When I "wake up" she helps me walk to a back room (because let's face it...this is really bad for business). As I'm walking my vision is still tunneled and very fuzzy, but I know I'm walking past several workers and customers so I'm trying to get it together. My memory of this part isn't quite as vivid, but I'm positive that I was gagging and making "I'm gonna puke" faces as I tried not to actually vomit. She leaves me on a massage table in a back room and I drink some water while she goes to (I assume) talk with her co-workers about the crazy passing out redhead.

She rejoins me in the room as I lay in the dark, attempting to fully return to reality. After a while I feel fine and we re-enter the front of the spa. Everyone is staring at me asking, "Are you ok?", "Do you have low blood pressure?" "Have you eaten today?"I quickly pay (leaving a generous tip) and repeatedly apologize explaining, "I have no idea...this doesn't normally happen." And seriously this is very true. I was not sick, I had eaten, I am clueless as to the cause of this embarrassing moment.

On my return trip I practically ran past the store! But I definitely saw her, and I'm pretty sure she saw me. My plan was to call her and have her come to my house, but now....? So my question is..."If you were me...would you ever face Nicole again?" ('Cause her massages are quite helpful to my french canadian man induced pain.)

I went for cat litter....

2008-09-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

...I came home with Lucy.

Meet Lucilia Louise. She is Maxwell Milton's new baby sister. They aren't friends yet, but hopefully if I introduce them correctly they will be best buds very soon! :) Max still slept with me last night, so he must not be too upset. :)

I played with names like Madelyn, Anastasia, Maggie, Molly, Catarina, and Lila...but I settled on Lucy. Lucy is my favorite character in the Chronicles of Narnia, but my kitty needed a more sophisticated name. She is a proper lady and her brother has a very proper name. So I eventually decided on the name Lucilia (a name I read once in the Canterbury Tales) Louise (for Louisa May Alcott).

Isn't she beautiful! It's hard to photograph her blue eyes and she won't sit still....but you get the idea. Her tail is my favorite part!

Have I mentioned I love the beach?

2008-09-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Yeh, probably a few times. :)

Well, I live in Florida now, but I haven't been enjoying the fact that I live by the ocean! In fact the last time I went to the beach was over a month ago...when I took my mom and her husband the first weekend I moved here. Since then I've been to Md and Va and the hurricanes came here...so I just haven't made it back. But finally today I decided to stop at the beach on my way home from work.

I didn't have a swimsuit so I just set out on a barefoot stroll down the beach. I was enjoying my caramel frapaccino (shoutout to Starbucks), the soft sand between my toes, and the foamy water that occasionally leapt up to my knees. I smiled at little boys trying to emulate their fathers as they attempted to catch more than a wave with their fishing poles. I shook my head as a few runners passed by thinking..."I really should be doing that". And I watched the surfers wishing I was fearless enough to try something that looks so freeing. Basically, I was just enjoying a relaxing afternoon marveling at God's creation and the people enjoying it.

Sidenote: I have a lamp that is glass that was bought 5 years ago with lofty intentions to do something crafty; however, the extent of my creativeness thus far has been the ribbon tied around the shade. I've thought about putting flower petals or potpourri in it before, but I guess I've never been too inspired. Anyway, I recently decided that I should fill it with seashells. Back to current story...

As I meandered farther down the beach I began to head up towards the dunes to do some "shelling". Armed with my (now empty) Starbucks cup, I was planning to search the sand for small shells for my project. But, what I found quickly changed my plans. Because of the recent Atlantic storms, I found myself collecting a myriad of very large shells. I quickly realized this cup was just not going to do. I took off one of my tanks and tied the straps to create a bag. Now more properly equipped, I began to scour the beach for unique shells. Soon my feet were raw from broken shells, my shoulders were turning pink, and my "bag" was becoming very heavy.

I had to tear myself away from the search to head back down to the softer sand and foamy water. I walked back, once again enjoying the ocean, satisfied by my unexpected afternoon adventure and finds. They shells are amazing, but much to large for my original idea. The lamp project will have to wait for another day.

Now I have to come up with a new idea for these beauties. I have a few thoughts, but if you have any seashell crafts let me know!

Check out my finds! It's hard to tell, but the shells are the size of my fist or larger.

Journey To Where

2008-08-20T15:21:00.000-07:00

I decided to start a blog for my meandering thoughts. I don't know if I'll be faithful, but here's my first shot.

I was thinking today about "my journey" and I thought of a camp I went to 16 years ago! The summer after 4th grade I went to Crosspoint, a Christian sports camp. Our theme for the week was "Journey to Where". Everyday we sang this song...complete with camp hand motions, of course! (Luckily you are spared the church sign language and offkey singing, since you are reading the finished product instead of watching me attempt to remember the lyrics in my living room.)

I'm on a journey, a journey, a journey...
to anywhere the Lord wants me to be.
And he'll take me by the hand, and he'll walk with me,
never let me go. Oh, can't you see?

That I'll be walking, walking in his ways
And I'll love him and I'll serve him every day.
Oh, Oh. Yeh, Yeh. Love him and I'll serve him every day.

When the road is long and the journey is tough,
I know that I'll be safe in the arms of his love.

I'm sure the song continues for another verse or something, but that is all my mind can retain after a decade and a half.

Anway, I share this cheesy song to say that during that week at camp I began to understand. Not only was it the first time I began to comprehend Christianity and have faith in the Lord, but I also began to understand that my life was a journey. I started to see that I wasn't the author of the story, but that God was and He was the only one who knew how the book would end and what turns it would take along the way. I began to realize that my circumstances were not permanent. And I found comfort that though I was in a tough part of the journey, I was safe in God's arms.

Since then the road had been long and the journey has been tough, but I have slowly learned how to take God's hand and follow Him. I'm still learning and I'm still on the journey, but I know I'm where he wants me to be.

I know that is all super cheesy...but I thought I'd give you a little insight on my blog's title and address. Welcome to my journey. :)