Don't Ever Let Anyone Steal Your Joy

Get Ready...It's a long one! Originally entitled "Is that so hard to understand?", this entry found a new direction since I first started writing it.

(Excerpt from Natasha Bedingfield's "Single")

I'm not waitin' around for a man to save me

(Cos I'm happy where I am)

Don't depend on a guy to validate me

(No no)

I don't need to be anyone's baby

(Is that so hard to understand?)

No I don't need another half to make me whole

Okay, so I love this song. It's pretty much always been my mantra. Truthfully, I'm never very up on pop-culture, so I had actually never heard this song until my friend, Lindsay, mentioned that this song was the ringtone that played when I called her. (Thanks, Lindsay...I'm always happy to be your "only single friend"!)

So of course I had to listen to this song that apparently reminded her of me, and well...I loved it. In fact every time someone asks me "So, are you dating anyone?", I want to break into a rousing rendition of "Single". (Lucky for all of you, I refrain. 'Cause let's face it, I ain't no Natasha Bedingfield.)

In all seriousness, it really annoys me that other people have a hard time understanding that I could be single and happy. In fact, it bothers me so much that I posted the following diatribe on facebook after an encounter that was the last straw for me! ‎"But God gives to some the gift of marriage, and to others the gift of singleness." 1 Cor 7:7.  Is there a reason that some of my friends and family don't get this? I swear if you one more person tells me that you are "worried about me", suggests that I "need to join a running club", recommends that I "should take a welding class", admonishes me for being "too picky", explains that I "don't hang out in the right places", says that I "need to have an open mind", or tries the whole I "know a great guy who's also religious", I am going to scream. I am content to be single until God purposes something different for my life, so could you also be content in this and stop trying to "fix me".  (I mean really...Is that so hard to understand?)

Anyway, there is a point to this post other than the ability of a pop star to capture my thoughts in a song and the fact that I engage in the occasional ranting via Facebook instead of realizing that people are just trying to help. So let's get back to my point...If I can figure out what that is!

I started this post a few months ago, and then I sort of let myself forget about it, because I was kind of rambling and not really making a point. (Shocker!) But last night I was at a devo group and a girl said "My grandma used to always say..."Don't ever let anyone steal your joy."" And I realized that that was exactly what I had wanted to say in this entry...

I know you're thinking that's not what I was saying at all...And I have to agree...but I just wasn't there yet! So if you'll be patient with me, I'll try to explain.

When I moved to Florida I had so much to be joyful about: the completion of graduate school, a free house to live in, beautiful beaches, a job at one of the largest deaf schools in the nation, an opportunity to buy my own house, and above all a fresh start.

But it was a tough transition for me. I didn't know a single person in Florida! I lived in a neighborhood where I clearly did not fit in. I was working at a great school, but in a position that wasn't fulfilling. I was having trouble finding a church. All of my friends and family were far away. I felt alone. Then I looked at my sister, who was having a baby, and while I was extremely excited for her part of me was sad for me. It may sound selfish, but I'm just being honest here. We're TWINS. We are supposed to do everything together. And I knew that our kids wouldn't be able to grow up together. It's not like this was a shock. She had been married for almost 5 years for crying out loud! And it's not like I wanted to get married and immediately have kids. But the truth is that I want to be a mom more than anything in this world. And it suddenly hurt to know that my grandma was around to see my sister have kids, and I may not have that same opportunity. And "everyone" (yes, this is an exaggeration, but it is how I felt and also close to accurate given my Southern roots..) kept asking me if I was going to settle down and get married and have kids now that I was done with school. 

What I realized last night is that the reason I now get so annoyed with others remarks is not because they expected certain things of me or because of their lack of understanding. It's because I know I let them steal my joy.

I started to believe the messages I was hearing. That I am a lesser person because I am single. (I'm not.)  That I needed to have a husband or children to complete me. (I don't.)  That I need to change who I am. (I can't) Or that I need to change what I'm looking for. (I won't.)

Probably the strangest thing, is that I've ALWAYS been the girl singing that song ("I'm single...that's how I wanna be"). But suddenly I became someone else, that I didn't even know. I let my circumstances and loneliness, make me change my perspective. I thought I needed things to make me happy-a classroom position, a house...a man.  And so for a year I tried to find my happiness in those things...and (surprise, surprise) it didn't work.


I'm not trying to blame others-because I know that most of them were trying to be supportive in their own way. But sometimes, people (especially the church!) don't realize just how deeply their words can hurt you. Friends and family mean well, but sometimes the very things they say to encourage you leave scars on your heart that you don't even notice are there.

And then one day you wake up and you realize that your joy is gone. You realize that you've let the world tell you what you needed to be happy. You realize that you've let them change your perception. You realize that you've let them change what you're looking for.  You realize that you've let them change YOU.

Well, okay. Maybe it wasn't exactly one day in my case. Maybe It was more like a matter of months. But God has reminded me that He has a plan for me, and it's so much greater than I can imagine. It's not about a job, a house, a husband, or kids. Those things will not complete me. Only God can.

Christine Caine challenged a room full of single women during Shine at Celebration Church to trust that God has the best for us and to trust Him enough to wait longer than we want to. She encouraged us to make a covenant with God that we will not compromise.

I did, And I hope that you will, too.  Regardless of your circumstances.  Regardless of what you are believing for your life.  Whether you're single, dating, married, divorced, or widowed, starting now make a promise that you will not compromise or settle in any area of your life.  


God can do exceedingly, abundantly above all we could ever ask or hope.  But we have to trust him, and we have to believe than we are worth it.  You are worth it.  

"Don't ever let anyone steal your joy."